Heinz Isn't Running A Commercial During The Super Bowl, And Is Instead Giving Their Employees Monday Off

​Uproxx-  Heinz, of ketchup fame, doesn’t want us to fight through the day anymore. They’re on a crusade to give all of us an extra day to recover after the Super Bowl with a new national holiday which they’ve cheekily titled Smunday. To support this push, Heinz has decided to forgo their usual Super Bowl commercial this year. Instead they’ll use the $5 million they saved on a 30-second ad to give their office employees the day off. They’ve also launched a Change.org campaign to ask congress to consider making the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday — if they reach the 100,000 signature mark.



Annnd that's how you know you've cornered the market on a specific condiment. Imagine running a company that was so goddamn stable and dominant over it's competition that they looked at Super Bowl ad space with a straight face and said "how could creatively marketing our product to hundreds of millions of viewers at once possibly help our bottomline?". I guess I should have realized that Heinz can just play by it's own rules since the worst meals I have ever had were accompanied by far-too-sweet Hunt's Ketchup and the soon soured relationships with the people that had it in their fridge, but I can't say I saw this coming. Creating far less work for themselves one day and keeping employee satisfaction at a damn near orgasmic level by giving staffers the ability to hate themselves in peace the next. I already ate lunch, but this news makes me want to go find something to put the preeminent brand of artificial tomato paste on, because my ketchup snobbery has finally been validated by something other than a blatantly superior taste. 

P.S. I suppose you could argue there's an obvious disconnect between human condiments saying their company isn't running a commercial during the Super Bowl during their company's commercial that's entirely about the Super Bowl, but mus-you-be-a-tard in the punch bowl? Let them 'relish' this advertising opportunity instead of outing it as the blatant pandering to society's desire to drink heavily through dusk on Super Bowl Sunday without worrying the dire consequences that lie on the other side of the alarm clock.