IT HAPPENED! IT REALLY HAPPENED! I'm pretty sure the time period in which the Edmonton Oilers could legally call 'backsies' has long since expired, but seeing Taylor Hall in a Devils jersey finally makes this trade feel real! Buckle your (seat) belts because this sure to be one erection inducing ride. A superstar?! In New Jersey!? It's only been about 4 years since that were the case, but it feels more like 4 decades if we are being honest. With how desperate the fans have been to root for a "sexy" talent I am half surprised the Q&A didn't just devolve into a couple hundred people shamelessly masturbating into their Taylor Hall jersey tees while Matt Laughlin did his best to distract the newest object of their affection. Yes, it is that stimulating to finally have a true, proven scorer and offensive catalyst back within the organization. It'd be lying if I said that I didn't have to think about Cecil Fielder's bare ass just so I could keep some of the blood out of the tip of my penis. I haven't felt that uncomfortably turned on in public since the last time I stayed until the "what are you still doing here?" lights came on at the titty bar. Legit contemplated putting Taylor Hall's scathing review of Newark Airport to a compilation of the soothing sounds of nature just so I could fall asleep to it every night, but I'm far too old to be having wet dreams with any consistency. Could honestly listen to him rave about playing in front of Cory Schneider every day from now until opening night if I weren't afraid that my heart would fail from the undying excitement. It's officially a new day in New Jersey and it's certainly not one in which impotence will be of concern.
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