Here's An Oilers Fan...Uhh...Adjusting Himself Like A Guy That Has Never Before Adjusted Himself

And just when I thought I had exhausted all options in terms of maintaining my manhood's coziness. I guess I should wait to witness Connor McDavid's skill set in person a few more times before I criticize this Oilers fan for getting all bothered below his non-existent belt, but still. He just came out of the woodwork with what can only described as the "molding Play-Doh"/"trying to guess the object inside the box while blindfolded" combo. I want to say that was the least inconspicuous act of genital reconfiguration I have ever seen, but I don't think I have enough experience to be calling into question the practices of a man that wears generic brand sweatpants to a professional hockey game. If there is a person that knows how to literally keep the boys in line it's the guy that has sacrificed ever ounce of his self respect out of respect for his nether regions. You want to know how comfortable his balls are? Exactly as uncomfortable as we are watching him move them around as if he has testicular OCD. You want to say he's a social pariah whose grooming habits should have him confined to his own personal bubble? Well, I would tend to agree with you. However, I would be lying if I said there weren't times where my scrotal situation called for a drastic act of social unacceptability, and it's during those times that I wish I possessed the shamelessness of this disgusting son of a bitch who probably doesn't shower anywhere near enough.