Here's JPP Walking You Through His Fireworks Incident For Some Unknown, Completely Illogical Reason

EXCLUSIVE: Jason Pierre-Paul relives the July 4th fireworks accident that changed his career.https://t.co/fJ5q1HAhjH

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) April 11, 2016

Well this changes just about EVERYTHING! I can't believe he didn't do this video earlier. I have been walking around for the better part of the last year criticizing Jason Pierre-Paul for being a negligent idiot that doesn't know how to properly light a firework, and I didn't even know that he was popping them ALL night! How could he not risk tens of millions of bucks for one more bang when all the kids were yelling "OOOH- AHHH!"? Shit, he was basically peer pressured. This one is on the children in the neighborhood. They bullied JPP into blowing his hand to smithereens by being too excited for colorful lights in the sky. Hope you're happy with yourself you little brats. You indirectly caused your role model so much grief that he had to come out to his hometown with a camera crew and do a step-by-step walkthrough of a 30 second story. He almost had no choice. He had to silence all those people that were so overwhelmingly interested in how someone blows a good chunk of their hand off lighting explosives. 

I have a half serious question. That was supposed to be funny, right? I don't have to feel bad about laughing throughout a large majority of a video that was supposed to make me feel sympathetic for a professional football player that risked his entire career to make something go boom, do I? I know it's a little outlandish to assume that was supposed to be comedic, but it damn sure wasn't informative so I am having a little trouble pin-pointing the intent. Obviously I already knew how JPP blew his index finger two towns over. Pretty sure these type of stories all follow the same format...

1) Picked up firework.
2) Lit firework.
3) Firework explodes prematurely.
4) BANG!
5) Mangled hand.

I can't imagine anyone needed a half-assed reenactment to know how it all went down, and therefore I am forced to believe that JPP has finally embraced the humor in all of this. The super dramatic background music was a little off-putting, but by process of elimination I have decided that I just watched an extremely dark display of satire, and I won't let anyone tell me differently.
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