Here's Where I Try To Defend This MMA Fighter That Accidentally Punched The Ring Girl In The Face

TheSun- “In the immediate aftermath of losing a very close title fight at Titan FC 42 Andrew Whitney threw a punch out of frustration which unintentionally hit one of our ring card girls. Our ring card girl was attended to by the ringside doctor and officials. She indicated she was fine and was more surprised by the punch than injured. Titan FC is broadcast around the world and we expect our athletes to conduct themselves in a professional manner at all times. Whitney’s management are taking ‘appropriate action’ to ensure it does not happen again. We have spoken with Andrew Whitney and his management and are taking appropriate actions to make sure this unforeseen incident is not repeated.”


Oh boy. You ever just know you are headed down a dark, unrelatable path that will make people question why they have ever laughed at a single thing you have ever written?  I think that's where we are at with this story. What I am going to attempt to do here is defend an MMA fighter that wildly swung his pharmaceutically enhanced fist through some poor, innocent ring girl's skull. What the outcome is undoubtedly going to be is me digging myself into a hole that would have Chilean miners asking for someone to toss down a loaded gun and read them their last rites.

Preferably I wouldn't feel any sympathy for the trained killer that just sucker punched an oblivious women clear into Christmas Eve, but I would be lying to myself if I said that I didn't. I think anyone who has ever been given unexpected news that enraged them knows the last thing you need is someone touching you immediately after they deliver it. For that reason I can't - in my heart of hearts - criticize an adrenaline fueled meathead for ripping his wrist away from the man that just told him he put his body on the line for naught with the fury of 1,000 suns. You can tell from his posture that that dude has never been more certain of anything than he was of himself being declared the winner of that fight. That's why his instictual "get the fuuuuck off of me" manuever was so aggressive that it resulted in a thunderous chin check of the eye candy.

Now, I'm also not blaming the victim who is paid to stand there and brainlessly look pretty. I think she could have kept her head on a bit more of a swivel, but being aware or her surroundings and having foresight - never mind knowing what that means - isn't in her job description. That's why the fault lies with the official. He's supposed to have a command of the octagon and he didn't think it would be wise to clear the air directly behind the shoulder of a guy named 'The Beast' who was shaking in anticipation of being named the victor? That lack of anticipation is chracteristic of a man who would admit to cheating while his wife was chopping vegetables next to a sizzling hot frying pan. 

P.S. I think all this means is that I am equally as bad at losing. Oh well. As the great African American philosopher Cam Newton once said, "show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser."