Hey Buzzfeed, Nothing You Can Do Is Going To Trick Me Into Not Eating Bacon You Assholes

Okay fine. I take that back. I will stop eating bacon if my bacon has a face. Like if bacon was literally sold with the pig's head still attached then I might think twice. Promising me bacon and handing me a baby pig is only endangering the life of a baby pig. I honestly don't know how I would react if someone offered me bacon and gave me a pig instead, but I can't promise that pig wouldn't end up squealing on the floor as I stormed out in protest. I'm not that weak minded. I would look that pig right in the eyeballs and tell him just how good his ancestors taste. If you could trace the death of one single pig directly back to my bacon consumption then I would think about removing it from diet. It's like voting. You know when idiotic people, that don't know how the polls work, tell you that every vote counts? No, no it doesn't. The result will be the same whether I vote or not. Same thing with eating pork. If I did not exist on this planet there wouldn't be one more free ranging pig, there would just be an extra packet of sliced up dead pig on the shelf. It's my duty in life to make sure that pig didn't die for naught. To make sure a positive comes out of his premature death. Even if that positive is making my breakfast (lunch, and dinner) just a little more enjoyable . You want to avoid bacon because you love baby pigs then that's fine by me, but don't ask me to lunch and take me to a petting zoo, because it's not going to change my order once we finally do get to the restaurant.