I Deem This Downstairs Neighbor's Attempt At Getting His Upstairs Neighbor To Have Quieter Sex Unsatisfactory

A+ for the attempt, F- for the execution.

I'm honestly not even sure if this package was supposed to be a good natured request, or veiled act of maliciousness. The letter speaks to the former, but the condom brand certainly speaks to the latter. Durex? Durex, bro? If you really valued your late night peace and quiet you would guaranteed it by splurging on a brand of competent protection. Of course this guy threw in a disclaimer that he takes no responsibility for broken rubbers. Why would he take responsibility for the effectiveness of a bunch of condoms that he got for free at freshman orientation? The last time I had possession of a Durex condom was when my upstairs housemate graduated and left me with a box of them, and I'm pretty sure she (yes, she) didn't do that because she was going to stop fucking. You know what happened with that box? It remained untouched until two years later when I moved out of that same house. It's not because I wasn't having sex. It was because I valued my dick enough not to wrap it in some third rate piece of latex. This guy might as well have thrown a couple zip-lock bags in there too, because I would be just as likely to cover my dick in saran wrap and pray as I would be to use a Durex condom. The only thing this manilla folder accomplished was endorsing unprotected sex, because I am going with the pull-out before I am going with a condom brand whose production probably ceased before I was even born. Saying that Durex looked like a "good choice" is the most disingenuous thing I have ever read, and that's why I have to believe that the intent of this gesture was mockery instead of amiability. ​