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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

I Don't Completely Fault This Bank Robber That Asked For The Money To Be Directly Deposited Into His Account

9/15/2015

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Metro- Paul Neaverson, 61, walked in to a branch of NatWest in Rainham, Kent and held a knife to the cashier’s neck.

However he was caught out when he asked the clerk to transfer the money in to his own bank account.

And why did he do it? Because he needed money to book a flight to Corfu for a job interview as a golf coach. Of course.

Maidstone Crown Court heard that during the terrifying raid the cashier managed to hit the panic button.

Neaverson fled, but undeterred, he only went as far as the HSBC just 400ft away where tried to hold up that bank too.

Danny Moore, defending, told the court that his client has never been in trouble before and described his attempt to rob the banks as ‘ridiculous’.

He said: ‘It was ridiculous. It only had one ending – and here it is. He has led a law-abiding life and now finds himself staring down the barrel of a very long sentence indeed.’



Neaverson, of Rainham, Kent, pleaded guilty to two attempted robberies and possession of a blade. He has now been jailed for two years.




By a show of hands, who still regularly carries cash? I'm going go out on a limb and say that 90% of you don't have your hands in the air, and you know what, you shouldn't. Carrying cash sucks. I can barely keep my money organized when it's like a $20, two $5's, and a bunch of singles, never mind a whole bank robberies worth. I would say about 20% of my cash usage happens at strip clubs, and that's probably 50% of the reason why I RARELY go to strip clubs. That's how much abuse I give the magnetic swipe on the back of my Visa. Remember back in the day, before paper money became obsolete, when you woke up, after a lonnnng night on the town, with a bunch of bills just mashed together in the bottom of your pants pocket? It was terrible, almost to the point of being dehumanizing, trying to figure out where that change came from. That's why one of the true signs of being an adult is always paying with a credit card. It makes maintaining the order of your wallet that much easier. 

Now, when you rob a bank you certainly can't go around disclosing your actual name to tellers in hopes of them just direct depositing significant sums of money, that isn't yours, into your account. An occupational hazard of being a career criminal is that many times your form of compensation isn't going to be conveniently inserted into a pool of invisible money that's readily at your disposal. With that said, if all you are looking to do is buy a plane ticket then having a shit ton of crisp $100's isn't going to do you much good on Priceline. So yeah, he's not the best criminal, and it was more than a distinct probability that he was going to get caught, but I think I would rather take that .00005% than end up with a bunch of bills of which I will inevitably lose track. As a person that obnoxiously rolls their eyes when a place of business tells me that they are 'Cash Only', I can't sit here and hate on a man that loves his paperless payments. Loves them so much, in fact, that he's willing to get arrested for it. That's such deep dedication to the cause that I have no choice but to respect it.

P.S. Two attempted bank robberies with a switchblade and all the guy got sentenced to was two years in jail? You can't tell me that the prosecution didn't feel the same type of sympathy for him that I did.
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