I Finally Understand Why DeAndre Jordan Spurned The Mavericks To Return To The Clippers

BSO- Parsons…flew himself to Los Angeles, found out who Jordan was working out with, and started working out with that person during his rehab. He had dinner with Jordan for five straight nights at one point. The recruiting process was described elsewhere as an “Entourage-style romp” through the hottest clubs and most exclusive nightspots in Los Angeles and Houston.

“It isn’t the same as it once was….He didn’t do anything illegal. I’m not mad at him. At the end of the day, he’s a grown man and he’s entitled to do whatever he wants…He’s one of the best young centers in the NBA, and I wanted to play with him. He could have made us great. But he screwed us over.”


This post was originally going to read like every single other post that I have had to write about Mark Cuban and Chandler Parsons being so butt hurt that they can't even sit down to take a shit without wincing in pain. That is until I realized what actually happened here. How could we have not seen it before? It's clear as day! Chandler Parsons is a stage 5 clinger. Hey Cubes, time to stop blaming DeAndre for leaving your franchise high and dry. Personally, I would blame that thirsty little white boy that scared away a future cornerstone of franchise.

Take a look at his actions...

He flew himself to Los Angeles. 
He sought out DeAndre's trainer and started to workout with him. 
He took DJ out to dinner FIVE nights in a row. 

Take a look at his words...

"It wasn't the same as it once was". 
"He's entitled to do whatever he wants".


This is a guy that spent ONE SINGLE WEEK interacting with another human being. That's more red flags than an entire game of minesweeper. There are 35 year old divorced mother's putting less pressure on brand new relationships. Chandler Parsons was forcing up shots like he was worried about a biological clock violation. Hey Chandler, you looking for someone to join your basketball team or join your gay orgy? I can't tell if he was trying to fuck, marry, or kill Deandre Jordan, but from his actions I can only assume that at one point or another it would have been all three. Blake Griffin is pretty much best friends forever with DeAndre Jordan and, outside of an NBA road trip, I would be shocked if you told me they spent 5 nights in a row together. Be a grown ass man for me one time Chandler. You don't get the hot girl to commit by pestering her every second of the day. That just pushes her farther away. In the beginning of a relationship the desire to spend time with someone goes from cute to creepy real quick. Chandler Parsons wasn't only on the wrong side of that delicate balance, but he tipped the fucking scale.

Chandler Parsons is the type to put an end to a Tinder conversation in less than 5 minutes. He's the the type to bring up the "next step" conversation before both feet are even on the first step. He's the type to buy a chick a one month anniversary present. He's the type to ask "what's wrong?", drive himself crazy, and end up showing up outside your house in the middle of the night because you didn't respond to a 'goodnight' text. He's the type to tell his parents about you after the first date. He's the type to put a heart emoji in his phone next to your name before he even knows your last name. He's the type to ask "are you breaking up with me?" when you didn't even know you were in a monogamous relationship. He's the type to continually say "I'm not mad" just to convince himself that he's not mad. He's the type to STILL be talking about a person that was never even on his team nearly two and half months after finding out he's definitely not on his team. DeAndre Jordan didn't screw you over, your infatuation with DeAndre Jordan screwed you over, so maybe it's time to do some self evaluation, you obsessive little 'Swim Fan' you. 

Live look at Chander Parsons recruiting technique...