I Guess Justin Verlander Getting Piss Drunk After A Bad Start Is News Or Something?

USA Today- Upton has become friends with Cubs owner Tom Ricketts, and in an ESPN The Magazine feature on Ricketts, the writer Marin Cogan was in the room when Upton told Ricketts and other friends the story.

​“It was my birthday, and he had probably like his worst game ever, and no one had any idea how he’d respond to his worst game ever,” Upton said. “He vented to me in the car and was like, ‘I am going to get blackout drunk.’ So a bunch of us went out and got blackout drunk! I had really good plans to eat popcorn and watch a movie, but he was like, ‘I don’t want to think about it, at all.’”



​Hey Kate, that's like the coolest fucking story I have ever heard in my entire life! It's insane! Can I hear it again? Do you have time? Jesus Christ woman. Next time you think you have something interesting to say, don't. Definitely, definitely don't. This isn't even a story sweetheart. You want to give me a headline then tell me about a time Justin Verlander pitched like shit and DIDN'T get blackout drunk after. Now that would be breaking news. 

I guess it's cool to know that the only things that separate the average person from Justin Verlander are an insane amount of talent, a $200 million dollar contract, and a model girlfriend. That's pretty much the long and short of it. I mean, we are talking about a guy that has all the fame and fortune he could ask for, and still doesn't look any better than the average schmuck in a shirtless mirror selfie...

Regardless, Justin Verlander wanting to get drunk after he sucked just proves that he's a normal person. That's what we do after we have a shitty day or something bad happens to us. Hell, that's what we do after we have a great day or something awesome happens to us. The way I see it, Justin Verlander should only abstain from alcohol after a game if he went 7 1/3 innings and gave up 3 runs on 6 hits. That's not good enough or bad enough to justify a postgame 12 pack. It honestly doesn't matter if you are rich and famous or broke and unpopular. Life is just a constant journey to find the next time you can rationalize getting blackout drunk, and getting shelled in front of hundreds of thousands of people is as good a reason as any. Shit, having your dumb, outspoken girlfriend tell the world that you occasionally drink away the pain is as good a reason as any too. If this is glimpse into what a relationship with Kate Upton is like then I give him credit for ever being sober.