This football season absolutely sucks. It's like almost like each passing day I wake up glad it's one day closer to over. The Saints are 0-2. Their offense, for the first time in the Sean Payton era, absolutely sucks. The only reason I know that Drew Brees still has a right arm is because I see it when he's giving press conferences on the extent of his injury. Who Dat Nation just has a black cloud that they can't seem to shake. Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers don't have one real receiving threat on their roster, yet they are still 2-0. They are still on pace to win the division. Their quarterback is still doing freakishly athletic shit to avoid defenders. They are somehow, SOMEHOW, still good. And now, they even have Spanish announcers giving electric voiceovers. I can't even hate, despite the fact that I want to so soooo bad. The touchdown? Awesome. The celebration? Awesome. The call from the Spanish announce table? Awesome. Please Lord, give me something. Just give me one reason to stay tuned to this NFL season. If you wanted to start with a win this Sunday over this very same quarterback that would be fantastic. No pressure.
So, how do I go about booking myself some Spanish dudes to come over and narrate my life? I'm talking while I take a shit. While I make myself some breakfast. While I sit down to make lighthearted jokes on the blog at their expense. There's got to be a ton of talent waiting on the side of the road at a local bus stop. Some Spanish dude has to be dying to unleash a bunch of words I don't understand with a few English key words mixed in. Am I asking for too much? I'll even feed the guy. Fuck a '5 Hour Energy', I just need an unbridled amount of enthusiasm from one of these characters to keep me churning come that 2PM lull. Hell, the way this football season is going I'll need them to keep me churning come the 2 minute warning as well.