I Have A Confession To Make: I Still Get More Excited For A Devils Win When It Comes Against Zach Parise
You want me to say it? Fine, I'll say it. I get more enjoyment out of a Devils win against a team with Zach Parise than I do out of a win against any other team not named the Rangers or Flyers, and I can't see that changing anytime soon. I know that's something a scorned lover would say, but that beautiful bastard burned me worse than any runaway vagina ever could. It's all revisionist history at this point, but he would fit in perfectly on this team, and because he's no longer on it he deserves all the bad things in the world to happen to him and only him. I'll put on a happy face when he laces them up for Team USA, but the ill will that resides deep in my soul will never, EVER subside. I know he had a valid reason for signing in Minnesota. I know that the NHL is a business and the Wild basically offered Zach Parise the entirety of their net worth to leave New Jersey. However, the best part about being a fan is that I don't have to care. I can shamelessly cheer as I watch Zach Parise struggle mightily to make plays while his former team is putting up a touchdown at his expense, and I don't have to concern myself with his character. I can sit there on St. Patrick's Day - with a beer in hand and enough car bombs in my stomach to make ISIS blush - booing his existence without acknowledging how he's a hard worker that plays the game the right way. Honestly, even if I did it would just make me hate him more, because it was those attributes that made it so much harder to watch him walk out the door immediately after captaining this team to a Stanley Cup Finals appearance.
So fuck you Zach. I hope the only accomplishment you ever earn is a Gold Medal, and that's just because I am a proud American that's willing to begrudgingly concede you happiness on behalf of this country. I don't hate you because you're a bad guy, I hate you because you're a good guy that doesn't play for my team, and those two things are basically one and the same. Have fun in Minnesota (as if that's possible), but don't think for a second we are ever going to let you forget what you left behind in New Jersey, and hopefully the team can do it's part in scoring 3 games worth of goals every time you step in the building.