I Know We Are Over Two Years Out, But 'Jurassic World 2' Is Going To Be Hot Garbage

BREAKING: Jurassic World 2 premieres June 2018, Universal has announced http://t.co/wN1YDtuHJw pic.twitter.com/lV738Yn6ic

— Breaking News Feed (@PzFeed) July 23, 2015

This is coming from someone that saw 'Jurassic World' on the first night it came out, and to my surprise, actually loved it. However, making a 'Jurassic World 2' is so over the top and unnecessary that I plan on blogging about how terrible it is going to be for the next two years. I am actually full on rooting for it's demise. Remember when the first 'Jurassic Park' came out and it was a groundbreaking cult classic? Remember how awesome it was to see life like dinosaurs interact with actual humans the first go around? Do you remember the followup to that? Of course you fucking don't. That's because 'Jurassic Park: The Lost World' was a steaming pile of cinematic trash. I didn't make it halfway through that movie before I wanted to ship myself to Costa Rica and swan dive head first into a pit of raptors. 'Jurassic Park 3'? I'm going to be completely honest. I don't even think i bothered watching that movie, and if I did, clearly it wasn't too goddamn memorable.


Alas, time heals all. A couple decades, a thousand advances in technology, and a new cast later, and all the sudden it makes sense to try out the whole dinosaur theme park again. That's cool, I respect it. It was executed flawlessly. I'll let it slide that the female lead was walking away from a Tyrannosaurus Rex in HEELS. It was a solid enough movie to give you a pass on that. But 'Jurassic World 2'? How many times do we have to see dinosaurs eat an entire island full of people before we realize we probably shouldn't be trying to cage dinosaurs. I got to say. I thought Chris Pratt was better than this. Thought he would just start fucking the hot red head and move to the suburbs like a normal person that just survived a goddamn prehistoric attack. I'm not sitting here trying to debate how realistic a bunch of dinosaur movies are, and I realize this is just a simple multimillion dollar fundraiser for the movie studio, but Jesus Christ. Let a sleeping dog lie. Can't we just let ONE movie franchise go out on a high note? We are like two Jurassic Parks from it starting to resemble 'Sharknado'. If that doesn't put a bad taste in your mouth then the storyline to the next fucking movie certainly will.