Jezebel- The newest demonstration of Carson’s lovely insecurity is a fable about a time he was the victim of a carjacking, but literally ran after the car until it stopped, and then the carjackers recognized him as a famous surgeon and became his friend.
Carson’s talented wife Candy told the story on Tuesday morning’s edition of Fox & Friends:
“He drove into one of the gas stations that was near work and it wasn’t the greatest neighborhood but he went in to pay. And it was his baby, the Jaguar, so when he came out he noticed that the car was starting to drive off. So he chased it and caught up and when the guys, they put it in park, they got out of the car, they were like, ‘Wait a minute, are you that doctor?’ They were shaking hands, taking pictures.”
I have a new guilty pleasure, and though it pains me to admit it, it's Ben Carson's (or his wife's) storytelling. I am not say I want to be friends with him, and the fact that he feels comfortable enough to run for president of the United States is incredibly disturbing. However, you can't tell me you wouldn't want to sit Indian style, with a blanket over your shoulders and a hot chocolate in your hand, at the foot of his rocking chair as he looked off in the distance and said "Once upon a time....". The best part about Ben Carson is that he is such a terrible liar that you can just take each fictitious story for what it is worth, and what it's worth is entertainment value unparalleled by every other presidential candidate in history not named Donald Trump. No one likes a liar, but everyone can enjoy a good story teller. Ben Carson is the kid that you invite to hang out with your group of friends just so you can fun of him behind his back after. Sure, he is as pathological as they come, and he definitely believes every word that's coming out of his mouth, but that doesn't mean that we have to. We can just enjoy them for what they are; Tales so tall they would make Aesop blush. If you see a great movie do you really care if it was based on a true story? I know I don't. I want to hear about Ben Carson running down his stolen sports car. I want to hear about the carjackers that decided against stealing said sports car halfway through the heist. I can't get enough of career criminals that somehow recognized a well respected neurosurgeon. Tell me all about how a citizen's arrest culminated in handshakes and selfies. Fuck science fiction, as long as we are going to stretch the truth then we might as well go full fantasy land.
You know what I find more disturbing than Ben Carson's fables? His wife's name. Am I the only person just learning that Ben Carson walked down the aisle with a 'Candy'? How is THAT not a bigger deal? All the dumb shit he has done over the last few months and his biggest transgression is unquestionably marrying a woman named Candy. Candy is a name reserved for strippers and lollipops. Those are the only two positions you should hold as a 'Candy'. How did this guy even become a doctor? Imagine walking into his office and looking at the picture on his desk?
"Is that your wife, Doc?"
"Yup, that's Candy, the old ball and chain..."
Do you know how fast I would be on googling a new neurosurgeon? That's insanity. This man is running for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES and his First Lady would be the namesake of surgery sweets? Have a little respect for the position and tell that bitch to get down to Town Hall and get herself a grown up name. At least act like your trying Ben. The last 'Candy' that ventured into the Oval Office left with a cigar in her snatch and a stain on her blouse. There's a better chance of Ben Carson beating a Jaguar in the quarter mile on foot than there is of his wife ever calling the White House home.