I Truly Wish That No One Won This Poker Hand Between Two Of The Most Insufferable People On The Planet Earth

What I am about to say is coming from someone that loves nothing more than instigating an opponent verbally - there comes a point when talking shit says more about you than it does about the person it's directed at. I don't mind this British dude - who desperately needs to give up on maintaining a hairline  - trying to get in his competition's head mid-hand, but somewhere around the two minute mark of him not getting any reaction whatsoever his own insecurities became pretty obvious. I could appreciate him chirping while playing with his chips if it - in any way - seemed to be aiding him in potentially increasing his stack, but that didn't seem to be the case. That's why I couldn't have been pulling more for the guy in the Blue Jays hat...

...until he spoke. Just when you think the person who won't just shut the fuck up and play is an insufferable asshole the person who he's yapping at goes full "safe space". I don't know enough abut the 'World Series Of Poker' to say whether they intentionally create characters for viewership, but this dude was almost too stereotypically "2016" not to be scripted. Verbal abuse? Bullying? Isn't this dude a little too old to be one of those perpetually offended hippies protesting on college campuses? I mean, are we talking about grown men competing in a poker hand worth a significant sum of money or a kid getting picked on during recess? Who would have thought someone that was so concerned with "being nice" would choose a career as cutthroat as professional fucking gambling? 

​I'm not exactly sure when it was, but sometime between calling his rabble-rouser "mean" and demanding that he "check his privilege" I couldn't have begun rooting harder for a 'King' to pop up on the river. The sensitive Sally who riled up the crowd by basically saying "loving yourself is more important than winning" before having one of his buddies mend his hurt feelings with a man-to-man massage didn't deserve to take that pot. Hell, nobody deserved to take that pot, because both people in it were equally responsible for one of the most unbearable interactions I have ever forced myself to watch to completion.