If I Were Drake I Wouldn't Be Frivolously Tossing Around The Word 'Bae' While Dating Serena Williams

Listen, I know this was meant as a joke considering the woman in the picture is a 65 year old fashion mogul. Still, if I were Drake I would get out of the habit of calling any female other than Serena Williams 'bae'. That's how you end up with your skull getting crushed by the woman with the most powerful thighs in female athletics. Simply can't risk the potential confusion, the inevitable fight, and the impending death that comes with the perceived betrayal of Serena Williams. I know Drake is a rich, famous, semi-black semi-rapper that is used to just doing whatever the fuck he wants when it comes to women, but this thoroughbred is undoubtedly a horse of a different color, no pun intended. Not sure Drake has ever dated a strong, successful, empowered black women before, and while I haven't either, I have heard they don't take kindly to acknowledging the existence of women there than them. 

I feel like Serena William is one of those "I don't care who you THINK you are, but you're MY MAN" types. If I had so much as had a lunch date with Serena Williams I wouldn't look at another women's shoes until she put an official label it. I would walk around all day in one of those V. Stiviano welder's masks just to make sure I didn't offend her. I would delete every women short of my mother from my contacts, and that's IF I didn't just decide to change my phone number all together.

Honestly, I'm just still trying to figure out how Drake does it. Dude looks like he cries when someone accidentally steps on a bug in his presence, yet he can survive a night with Serena Williams? Her grunt when she hits a tennis ball could put the fear of God in God himself, I shutter to think what happens when she gets on top. I would probably end up weeping like someone told me a loved one passed away while I was staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Just fear, sadness, and emasculation all rolled into one. If she can make an act as pleasurable as sex that scary then I am certainly not letting her subjectively imply intent by posting an Instagram photo calling another woman 'bae', even if she is a senior citizen.