If Subtlety Is An Art Then Jake Virtanen Probably Isn't The Crafty Type

Virtanen pushing Nordstrom's head into the boards cc @EnergyLegs29 pic.twitter.com/2JmfeyuHQZ

— Stephanie (@myregularface) October 17, 2016

Some people may call what Jake Virtanen did selfish. Some people may call what he did stupid. Some people - who value silly little things like "player safety" - may even call what he did dangerous. There is no doubt that literally every single one of those things couldn't possibly be more true, but let's not fail to include the fact that it was an example of cost-efficient spending. I guess his bank account could have probably done without the unpaid time off and the subsequent fine he's going to receive from trying to Gronk spike an opponent's head into a CAT scanner, but it's pretty tough to say he didn't get his money's worth.

If you're going to get a completely unnecessary suspension then you might as well earn it. Why waste the time and effort to try to make it look like an accidental result of a "hockey play" when you can cause more damage by palming your opponent's skull and smashing it against the boards like you got frustrated trying to manually juice a pineapple? One thing is for certain. Jake Virtanen won't be sitting at home saying to himself "if I knew I was going to get suspended I would have hit him harder". He may not be getting game checks for the foreseeable future, but at least he'll have the peace of mind of knowing that there was no theatrics that resulted from that wrestling move.

Aren't we supposed to value candor? Those in charge of handing out discipline for the NHL certainly won't be happy with Jake Virtanen's actions, but they won't be too upset that they can finally make a ruling that is impossible to disagree with. Maybe the fact that Jake Virtanen granted them the ability to toss out literally any frivolous suspension they want makes them more likely to be lenient. I mean, probably not...but maybe.

Either way, you have to imagine he gladly accepted whatever punishment would come his way well before he tried to test the durability of Bauer's finest piece of headwear/the limits of the human brain. No chance his temper got the best of him. That was just one guy executing his plan to send another into early retirement. I don't know what the price tag on that is, but you can bet your ass that Jake Virtanen considered it long and hard before he sold any and all future stock that would be put into giving him the benefit of the doubt to pay for it.