If You Are Surprised That Ilya Kovalchuk Is A Cocktease Then You Deserve The Blue Balls

SKA says Kovalchuk has changed his mind because he wants to play in the Olympics. Or, perhaps, because NJ could find no takers?

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) May 29, 2017

There is no comment from Kovalchuk, just the words of SKA board chairman Medvedev: "We are talking contract, he wants to stay now."

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) May 29, 2017

Breaking News: We have received a live feed of Ilya Kovalchuk playing with the testicles of all-too-forgetful New Jersey Devils' fans...

Look, this "news" should be taken with a grain of salt because the "source" is a the board chairman of a championship team in a league that's failing financially who also received an unforeseen boost in popularity from the unexpected return (defection) of an NHL superstar turned mercenary.  I am not going to overreact to a couple tweets from a biased party and pretend I know what's going on in the head of a guy who is historically as keen on what he truly wants as a fully erect male standing in the middle of a room full of diverse, half naked "escorts".

Truthfully, no outcome other than Ilya Kovalchuk pulling on a New Jersey Devils' jersey come October would surprise me. That's why being disappointed in seeing that he might head back (Far) East to open himself up free agency next summer should only leave you feeling limp if you allowed the cocktease of all cockteases to get his silky mitts to the cup-less place where they feel most comfortable. 

Obviously I would prefer to get something useful out of the guy that emptied out the cupboard before abandoning the house, but acting as if Kovalchuk - of all people - would do right by the organization that he already bent over the barrel? That's like expecting your ex-girlfriend to un-fuck the guy she cheated on you with. As a scorned lover of all things Ilya, this "report" is something you should have seen coming. If it comes to light that it was fabricated from nothing more than Medvedev's dream sequence then the Devils fans should treat the news that their former $100 million dollar man is finally making minuscule payments on his 15 year promise as the cherry on top of their summer sundae. Until then, we shouldn't let ourselves be seduced by someone that has proven to love nothing more than the chase.