If You Don't Feel Bad For This Baby Caught Doing A 'Let's Go Rangers' Chant Before Bed Then You Have No Soul
This video begs the question that sports fans have spent their lives wondering but have been too ashamed to ask out loud - can you want someone's life to turn around for the better while simultaneously hoping that it spirals horrifically into decades of despair?
I don't have the answer for you, and - to be quite honest - my uncertainty is putting me in a pretty tough spot. On one hand, when I'm not sitting within shouting distance of them on airplanes I try to wish babies nothing but the best. On the other hand, if I don't toss this particular baby out of a 757 from 31,000 feet after it kicks my seat for the 37th time then it's destined to grow up to become an insufferable asshole with a superiority complex that not even the most thorough of therapists could spot the origin of.
I think I have no choice but to pity him. I really want this kid to live a full life, but I just don't see a reality in which that is possible. When he's old enough to actually understand hockey instead of just parodying it's most commonly used chants he'll need to be told retrospective tales of a majestic, almost mythical man they called 'Henrik' whose fans ran him out of town after they wasted the entirety of his prime like a husband who files for a divorce once his wife's biological clock strikes midnight. By the time he gets a "big boy bed" he'll want to hide under it forever, because this poor child's championship window will be boarded up and the walls will closing in on him faster than if he were living out the first half of the movie 'Room'. I don't want this kid to grow up bragging about a championship that was won when he was still swimming around in an untapped scrotum. However, the only alternative is accepting the painful truth that the Rangers were the 'DUFF' that wasted it's good years flirting with success while success kept going home with the cuter guy at the bar and that might have him jumping in front of oncoming 7th Avenue traffic.
He's an adorable kid, but I hope he stays in that crib for as long as possible because there's a harsh world beyond those gates and I think the all-too-rare, self aware Rangers fan would tell him it's an unforgiving one. Can't even take a shit on his own accord and - when it comes to his sports happiness - he already needs Doc Emrick to tell him "IT'S OVER!!!"...