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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

If You Still Think That Matt Barnes Didn't Stuff Rihanna Then You Need Your Head Examined

9/11/2015

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First things first, not really sure how I feel about Matt Barnes resorting to a joke that's generally reserved for every stereotypical black cheerleading squad in every underwhelming 'Bring It On' movie ever made. On one hand, spelling out "ugly" in all caps is a little immature. On the other hand, the insults that cut that deepest are the ones that are birthed in fact. I don't know much about the woman that is questioning Matt Barnes sexual exploits, but I do know that you don't need high definition or any additional megapixels to see that she looks like Rihanna....if Rihanna's entire face got stung by a a swarm of bees. That "flyyindividualx" isn't remotely close to being an individual if we are going by the airlines standards. I should stop, because that "U.G.L.Y" comment probably hit her like a stack of bricks. Good thing she undoubtedly has the lower body strength to absorb the contact.

On to more pressing matters, how could anyone think that Matt Barnes wasn't one of the 6,000 people Rihanna has fucked this calendar year? I am not even calling her a liar, I firmly believe it's possible that Rihanna forgot that she fucked Matt Barnes. Never mind dating. Even I know there's no way they ever dated. Maybe they went on a date one time, but sometimes (all the time) that's just what you do when you really want to convince someone to fuck you after a subpar entree. That doesn't necessarily mean they dated. It just means they spent like an hour together when they were both wearing clothes. Much, much different. However, don't get it twisted, they definitely fucked, and I know this because you don't lie about fucking someone that's going to find out you lied about fucking them. That's rule number one when it comes to exaggerating your story so your friends think you are cooler. It's not even like Matt Barnes can use his penetration of Pandora's Box to his advantage, because no one, except for me and apparently the person that gave him a magazine cover, believes that Rihanna would sleep with someone with the limited (relatively speaking) notoriety of Matt Barnes. You don't just pass out magazine covers to bench players in the NBA who you think lied about fucking Rihanna. If that were the case I would be passing flyers around town with a picture of my finger photoshopped up Ri-Ri's ass as we speak. Barnes may have benefited once "Rihanna" came out his mouth, but that's only after he came in hers.
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