I'm Not Sure I Believe Chad Ochocinco When He Says He Used To Soak His Sprained Ankles In His Teammates' Piss

Hey, I am not saying that professional athlete's are too proud to take extreme measures -like foot baths in the collective urine of an NFL locker room- in maintaining their health. I'm not a doctor. I don't know if microwaved piss is the key to longevity. I do know that Manny Pacquiao was pretty successful while drinking his liquid lunch for dinner, so maybe there is something to the use of human waste as a human elixir. You never know unless you try, and I doubt it does any harm, so I am not going to be the one to tell an athletic freak how to treat his body.

With that said....CHILD PLEASE!!! I am going to have to hear from some of these so called "teammates" that were relieving themselves in a bucket upon Ochocinco's request before I lend credence to this story. You expect me to believe that the most outspoken wide receiver maybe ever was collecting urine samples for his own personal use and we didn't hear about it until 5 years after he left football? Given Eighty-Five's history this is more likely an exaggeration of the truth. I'm sure he was dousing himself in human excrement, I just have a hard time thinking it was anyone's but his own. You don't take up a piss collection pot and have that information get sealed behind the all-knowing doors of the locker room. I think there is a general rule of thumb for situations like this. If you are nice enough to give a body fluid that contains your DNA to another person then you tell as many people as possible that you did so. That's just covering your bases. The receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson was a goddamn lunatic. You never give him anything that can be scientifically linked to you without it being common knowledge. 95% of the things people do with the urine of others is illegal, and the other 5% is apparently very weird and very unnecessary. I have to trust that at least one of his teammates would play the percentages.

Until further notice I am treating this as a tall tale. A way for Chad Ochocinco to get himself back in the news after an extended absence. Sure, there are better ways to get publicity than admitting that you lathered in a cesspool of your team's recycled hydration. However, when you are a guy that has already raced a horse, rode a bull, tried your hand at field goal kicking, proposed to a cheerleader, and filled up countless billboards with material, there aren't many remaining ways to continue to out-do yourself. Plus, he's still better at maintaining relevance than Gilbert Arenas.