I'm Not Surprised That Jared From Subway Got Beat Up In Prison, I Am Surprised That He's Not Already Dead

Uproxx- It sounds as if Jared Fogle’s time in prison is not getting any easier. Earlier this month, news surfaced that the former Subway spokesperson was being taunted and called “Chomo” (short for child molester) by his fellow inmates, and as a result the stress eating had caused him to pack on up to 30 pounds. And now Fogle has just received his first proper prison beat down, according to new reports by TMZ.

Apparently the issue seems to stem from the inmates having a problem with those in prison for sex crimes against minors, which is nothing new. And of course it doesn’t help that Fogle happens to be a very high profile inmate.

According to docs, Fogle got jumped in the rec yard at Englewood prison in Colorado back on January 29, and it was not much of a fight. An inmate named Steven Nigg pushed Fogle down and then unloaded a barrage of punches to his face.

Nigg, who’s in for a weapons charge, left Fogle with a bloody nose, swollen face and scratches on his neck. 60-year-old Nigg was also injured — a small cut on his left hand from delivering the whuppin’. Prison officials put Nigg in solitary as punishment.




First of all, can we stop calling him Jared Fogle? I feel like somewhere out there in the universe there is another Jared Fogle that is getting absolutely abused because of a completely arbitrary name association. As much as I would have jumped in an made fun of that kid in middle school, no one deserves to share a name with a pedophile whose famous for eating the same crappy lunchmeat everyday. Let's just call him 'Subway Jared' or 'Jared from Subway', because if you happen to share that branding then you deserve every single joke that's made at your expense. 

More importantly, what is going on in jail? Shouldn't this guy be dead already? I thought the most hated people behind bars were kiddie touchers followed closely by rich people. Subway Jared is not only both those things, but he basically used the wealth he got from being a spokesperson for shitty fast-food to more efficiently touch children. He should be public enemy number one. Has prison gone soft? How was he not fucked in the ass and buried alive in the yard within hours of being there? Maybe I have a very different view of prison life, but I'm pretty sure convict on convict homicide should be praiseworthy with the amount of overcrowding that's going on. No reason to waste a cell on a guy that don't deserve a second chance at life. The fact that all he has is a bloody nose, a stollen face (which was apparently pretty fat as is), and a couple scratches on his neck isn't just disappointing, it's making me question the delicate system of checks and balances that I have always thought to be maintained behind penitentiary walls. How is this dude only suffering minor ass kickings at the hands of senior citizens, when in reality he deserves a fate worse than death?