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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

In The Newest Edition Of 'Things You Can't Make Up', The MLB Awards A Replica Wrestling Belt To The Team That Is Most Frugal In Player Arbitration

3/29/2019

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On the field, players battle to win the World Series. But behind closed doors, teams compete for a lesser-known title. Inside the fierce fight over arbitration, and why MLB hands out a championship belt for holding down salaries:https://t.co/H2Z1XlZ34G pic.twitter.com/7H3XsDlGoZ

— Marc Carig (@MarcCarig) March 29, 2019
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This is obviously a hilariously bad look. Salary arbitration, in and of itself, is basically a legally supervised roast of your own players, and thus celebrating its results after the fact makes it much, much more dehumanizing towards "the opponent" whose employment has just successfully been undervalued. Other than that, it doesn't matter much that those running the MLB take so much pride in being a bunch of tight wads that they basically turned disingenuous cost-cutting into its own sport. I'm sure it won't exactly play well in what was already sure to be an absolute teeth-pulling of an upcoming labor dispute, but anyone that knew almost anything about professional athletics has long known that the people in charge of them would pay the talent in rolls of nickels if possible.

Therefore, the most surprising aspect of this story is that all these team delegates agreed to loosen the strings on their coin purses and go in on a plastic replica belt they could award annually to the 'Undermaker' who won the Royal Rumble of reduced prices. Just seems like a wildly unnecessary cost for a bunch of guys who cling to their money like they can actually take it with them. If judging by their standards of spending, some might even call it...::audible gasp::...financially irresponsible. 

The truth is, I want to be upset that these guys are so passionate about pinching every last penny out of the pockets of players. However, I really just find myself pitying them for being a bunch of old, rich dudes who have absolutely nothing better to do than hoist a championship belt like they just reached the peak in a fake "sport" whose entire existence is inspired and made possible by the efforts of those playing a much more real and circumstantial form of competition. Hm, why does that concept sound so familiar?

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