It Appears Prince Fielder Is Retiring With The Exact Same Number Of Home Runs As His Father Cecil Fielder

Sources: Prince Fielder’s career appears over. #Rangers expected to hold press conference tomorrow.

— Ken Rosenthal (@Ken_Rosenthal) August 9, 2016

Amazing but true: @Rangers DH Prince Fielder has 319 career home runs. His father, Cecil? 319 homers, too. pic.twitter.com/jlhyZiSPBl

— MLB Stat of the Day (@MLBStatoftheDay) August 9, 2016

First of all, this is sad news. When I originally saw that Prince Fielder was retiring my first thought was "already?". It felt like he hadn't been in the league all that long and I had remembered him getting a monster contract a few years back. Turns out he did, but a couple of neck surgeries have left him physically unable to perform. That's a damn shame for anybody, never mind someone as lovably plump as Prince Fielder. Can't say that there's another obese athlete in sports history that I enjoyed seeing naked quite as much as him, so I wish him all the best in retirement.

Second of all, fate is a real son of a bitch for this one, huh? Just no way you tell me it's happenstance that Prince Fielder's body just stopped working after he reached the same number of home runs as his father. Looks like that bitch destiny really didn't want anyone to have bragging rights over an obnoxiously extensive Thanksgiving dinner. That's the only way to explain a "coincidence" this eery.  There were some intentions behind the necessity for that second surgery and I can't help thinking those intentions were to keep the Fielder's next to each other on the All-Time home run list. Talk about eternal bonding between father and son. Just two big boys with bigger bats claiming a stranglehold over an oddly specific number in the long storied history of baseball. If that's something that just happens by accident then the plot of every single one of the 'Final Destination' movies was based off a goddamn lie because the entire concept of predetermination would be rendered fictitious.