It Appears The Unbridled Stupidity Of Ryan Lochte Is Characteristic Of His Girlfriend As Well

Ahhh, that diving timing. Nothing can help a decorated, American Olympian recover from an unforeseen amount of completely justified scrutiny like that angelic, diving timing. When fabricating robberies spirals out of control and subsequently creating international incidents has got you down, you have to use the universe's springboards to get past it. Just hang tightly onto that faith while you take your leap and pray that you don't land in some discolored, Brazilian fart water. 

Seriously though, I've made it pretty clear that I think Ryan Lochte's inherent lack of knowledge, savvy, and/or general life skills are detrimental to the country from which he resides. The last thing the United States needs is the rest of the world thinking that a green haired asshole who probably knows less English than half the residents in Rio is somehow representative of it's population. That said, there is something intriguingly innocent about his - and apparently his girlfriend's - complete absence of any/all intelligence.

It's legitimately stupidity in it's purest form. Obviously I am not giving a 32 year old man a pass after he tried to make an entire country look worse than the comical amount of errors they committed in hosting an international competition, but I am saying that I genuinely don't think he had ill intentions when he did so. He's legit too dumb to be that calculated. In his head he really thinks he got robbed, and in his girlfriend's head 'divine' is spelled with a 'G' and her boyfriend is an innocent victim. While I don't think we should praise that utterly baffling shortage of self awareness, I think we can appreciate how nice it must be to live in that world. A world where common sense is the equivalent of rocket science and a world where you can feel better about your significant other's intercultural crimes by searching misspelled inspirational quotes on Twitter. 

P.S. Think we got our answer to "how ignorant does an American have to be before other Americans feel inclined to apologize on his behalf?"

a marker board up at Rio's main airport where visitors going home's most popular message?
"Sorry about Ryan Lochte" pic.twitter.com/sgDnuxt1ZR

— amy rose (@kingvsqueen) August 21, 2016

​h/t BustedCoverage