Call the fire department! Paul Brown Stadium is one burn away from a fire alarm blaze! Sweet God, that had to be the most caucasian example of verbal jousting these ears have ever heard. Jousting is probably an exaggeration because it was pretty much just two grown men poking each other in the upper breast with their index fingers, but it was super white nonetheless. JJ Watt, the world's most insufferable athlete, using a clearly orchestrated Dad joke, only to find himself topped in absurdity by Andy Dalton's attempt to take the moral high ground in response.
I have never felt any type of way about Andy Dalton, but he is officially on my shit list. Not because I have anything against him or the Bengals, but because he's making me take JJ Watt's side. This is what JJ Watt is supposed to do. He's supposed to try nauseatingly hard to get a laugh with a joke that he probably had written on his wrist. He's supposed to be super proud of his sense of humor after hitting the opposing quarterback with a 'Christmas Story' zinger. Andy Dalton isn't supposed to give his best rendition of a 65 year old Republican as a retort. What about the children? Really? THAT'S the route the Red Rifle choose in "firing" back at him? "Oh no, what about the children that will hear this joke that stems from a movie they have probably never even watched in it's entirety? The poor kids! They'll shoot their eye out!". The integrity of the game? Are we still talking about a 'PG' movie reference? Did I miss some extremely offensive part of this interview? Where am I? Is this still an NFL postgame press conference? I feel like this is an exchange that takes place at an All-Gay Teenage Dance Academy, not between professional athletes that are paid handsomely to play the most violent of sports.
Just a little heads up Andy, but you can't come out with your hair slicked back, in a ridiculous leather jacket, with what looks to be dog tags around your neck, and go full-emo on us. You can't dress up like the soulless Fonz from the twilight zone version of 'Happy Days' and make JJ Watt, a person that spends 23 hours a day engineering new ways for him to come off as the nice guy, look like a bad ass in comparison. You can't take the hide road on a player that has pretty much already paved his way to heaven one "candid" camera shot at a time. You had it served to you on a platter. All you had to do was call JJ Watt an insecure loser and you would have won over the masses. Now the masses are just sitting here confused as to who is the more cringeworthy white dude, and as much as it pains me to say this, if we are basing it solely off last night then the answer is you.