Hollywood Reporter- Meanwhile, he’s still getting used to sharing his space with an Oscar, which he moved from atop a mini-fridge in the bathroom of his Los Angeles home (right next to the tub) to a place of distinction on a bookshelf.
“It’s a lovely little statue,” says Simmons. “It’s still kind of surreal when I walk past it. It’s like, ‘There’s my Oscar.’ I don’t know it will ever become commonplace.” [USA Today]
J.K. Simmons, a modern day Thomas Edison. Every one knows a man does his best thinking on the toilet. Something about getting all the literal and proverbial waste out of your system brings clarity to your brightest ideas. If it don’t make you two pounds lighter, it don’t make sense. A bathroom visit is like the elongated, non-self loathing version of the post-orgasm reality check. You go two for one and you might end up like Bradley Cooper in ‘Limitless’. Your cerebral potential couldn’t be anymore engaged if it was curtain shopping on a Saturday afternoon.
I think it’s fair to say that a man’s intelligence is directly correlated to his time on the crapper. The people who invented the internet? Probably led the league in TPD (time per dump). Steve Jobs? Spent more time in the bathroom than a Taco Bell addict with irritable bowl syndrome. If society was as progressive as many people want to believe we would be giving interviews on toilets. Fuck a cubicle. Give me a stall and a few minutes and I’ll turn water to wine. Never mind a spreadsheet, those things would basically be formulating themselves. That’s the problem with office life. People are taught to minimize their time in the bathroom and thus they are minimizing company profit.
What better way to get something accomplished than to place your awards in the place where you do your best work? Did J.K. Simmons just completely eliminate the need for an in home office? A room with a mini fridge, all the motivation you could ask for, and a toilet seat? That’s spacial efficiency at it’s finest. He’s probably churning out subplots by the dozen. If they could find a way to stop my legs from going numb I would probably have at least two bathrooms full of Pultizers by now. Nothing satisfies a man more than a nice long shit, an original thought, a cold beer and a little bit of pride in his achievements. Every single one of those things promotes success. I need a bathroom office, and I needed it yesterday.