Joffrey Lupol Answers Whether Or Not He Has A Girlfriend By Metaphorically Pissing Down His Leg

http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/11/maple-leafs-joffrey-lupul-cringe-worthy-response-girlfriend

USAToday- “You got a girlfriend?”
“Ummmm…. [long pause] No. [long pause] But kind of. I don’t even know how to explain it….it’s complicated.”



​Bet Joffrey Lupol thought he was safe from questions about his relationship status when he agreed to spend his Thanksgiving in a Children's hospital. Ironically, it's the perfect place, because he undoubtedly wants to die right now. This question sucks. Easily the worst question in the entire history of spoken word. It sucks when the girl your seeing asks it. It sucks when your Grandmother asks it, and subsequently judges whether you're a lovable person or not. And it most definitely sucks when a interviewer asks it and your answer is broadcast to millions in the biggest hockey market in the universe. A hockey player being interviewed in Toronto might as well be LeBron James being interviewed in any American city. 

How many times do you think his not-so-significant other has watched this video on loop? Easily critiqued every single verbal and non verbal cue throughout the entire interview. How many of her friends texted and asked what the deal was? You thought the Ferguson riots were bad? Certainly hope Joffrey is currently off the grid. Talk about an awkward scene at Thanksgiving. She went from telling her family how good of a guy her "boyfriend" was for helping out sick kids to watching him basically ignore the entirety of her existence on the internet. Instantly public enemy number one. For the sake of Joffrey, and his balls, we can only hope this video didn't reach true "viral" status until today. Has anyone ever made a worse first impression without actually being present? I am inclined to say no. He could have showed up piss drunk, shit his pants, and vomited on the father's shoes and he would be in less of a predicament than he is now.

I think it's safe to say that it's about to get a lot less complicated. We won't have to wait until the New Year for this resolution. I can smell the ultimatum coming  from south of the border. He's about to catch an unwanted label faster than a gay man at a NASCAR event. Joffrey Lupol is officially very single or very wifed up. This kid has no idea the damage he caused with one innocent question on a day that should be devoted to thanks. Thanks for fucking nothing kid. Under normal circumstances this question is worthy of about two minutes of awkward conversation. This scenario may have just ruined Lupol's entire holiday season. No coming back from an "it's complicated" heard 'round the world.  No doubt this blunder works it's way into every single argument the two have from here on out. He better hope he puts the seat down every single time if he wants to avoid discussing this fateful Thanksgiving day. 

Way to make it weird kid. There is absolutely zero appropriate ways to respond to "every female in my entire life wants to be balls deep on your twig". I guess that's comes with the territory of being a rich and attractive professional athlete. Kind of a good problem to have. Especially in comparison to the shit storm Joffrey Lupol just created for himself.

P.S. Interesting tactic going the "it's complicated" route. That well might be dry my friend. I blame Zuckerberg. Yes. I am saying that Facebook is solely responsible for the ambiguity of relationships in 2014. 'Share' that shit.