JPP Thinking That Missing Two Fingers Won't Affect Him On The Football Field Is Absolute Lunacy

I can't think of the last time my index finger got me a sack

Yeah, I know that JPP is kind of kidding here, but is there any doubt that he thinks he will be the same caliber of player with 8.5 fingers that he was with 10 fingers? In a way, I can't blame him. He's already shown us his true colors. The person that doesn't realize how important an index finger and a thumb are to playing defensive end at the professional level is the same type of person that blows off two of his fingers lighting a firework when he hasn't even signed his franchise tag yet. I shouldn't expect logical opinions from someone that cost himself millions of dollars just to watch a bunch of bright lights explode in the sky.

Hey, if JPP says he doesn't need an index finger then what the hell are we waiting for? Might as well chop that other index finger off while we're at. That thing has been weighing him down off the line for years. Speaking of body parts that you don't need to sack a quarterback, why don't we just attach an M-80 to his dick and blast that 5 pound hog right off? Having the genitalia of a Ken doll is sure to increase his agility. You ever made a sack with your kidney JPP? I heard those are going for good money on the black market. Might make up for that money you pissed away trying to be pyromaniac on 4th of July. The funny thing is that I think that JPP really believes that the Giants are wronging him in some way. No bro, they just don't want to pay a shit ton of money to a person that lost a part of a part of his body that he used to earn that money in the first place. That's like being a foot model and running on hot coals the day before the shoot. It's like being a music producer and emulating Vincent Van Gogh. A football player asking when the last time an index finger earned him a sack, is like a porn star asking when the last time her lips earned her a money shot. I don't know if this statement was rhetorical or not, but if the question is how many times has JPP used his whole hand in the process of tackling someone, then the answer is all of them. All of the times.


P.S. That hand is gross. Get this guy off the football field and onto the set of a horror movie before I lose my lunch.