Just When You Thought Things Couldn't Get Worse, The Devils Are Reportedly Altering Their Jerseys Next Year

By the way, I’ve been told that the New Jersey Devils are getting a full jersey makeover from adidas next season

— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) January 9, 2017

Good news Devils' fans, the team is staying in New Jersey for the forseeable future! Yeah, I know that wasn't at all up for debate, but I needed something positive to offset the bad news and that's literally the only nice thing I can seem to think of to say about them at the moment. That probably only backed you a step or two off the ledge so now would be a good time to take a seat, finish the nearest bottle of prescription pills, and stay away from sharp objects as you try to digest the concept of the Devils' ditching some of the sharpest looking jerseys in all of sports for...well...the fuck of it, I guess?

I haven't even begun to consider what triple-striped, cartoonish, Satanistic eyesore is in the works, because I am too focused on finding a way to pull a 'Celtic Pride'-esque kidnapping of James Harden in order to strongarm Adidas into halting production. No more than three days after Dr. John J. McMullen gets inducted into the 'Ring Of Honor' ​and management is already trying to make him roll over in his fucking grave?! As Lou Lamoriello is my witness, if the logo gets altered in the slightest then Josh Harris and David Blitzer better sharpen up their security detail because I'll be waiting around every corner at all times with a Size 11 shell-toe for each of their candy asses.

I was all for a culture change when ownership switched hands, but taking the one thing about this frachise that has never been broken and trying to fix it while the team is hardly watchable seems like a fanbase fortifying strategy taken straight from their 76ers' blueprint.  I agreed to "trust the process" when it came to rebuilding the product on the ice. However, leaving the fans irate in anticipation of  a fucking basketball brand's tarnishing of one of the most classic looks in the NHL has to top the list of dumbest things a bunch of rich, out-of-touch assholes could do to ingratiate themselves to the people padding their oversaturated wallets. I'm downright frightened of what's to come considering the people that thought change was necessary get the final say on said change, but I wouldn't have faith in anyone to remodel the Devils' sweaters because I think a vast majority of  New Jersey's loyalists would tell you it's the equivalent of tinkering with perfection. And somehow, that doesn't feel nearly as detrimental as messing with tradition.