Last Night's NBA Finals Game Was The Most Enjoyable Terrible Game Of Basketball I Have Ever Watched

No, but seriously. If there were any sort of sports justice in this world they wouldn't have let anyone win that game. They would just pretend, for the sake of basketball, that it didn't even happen and replayed it tonight. That was the right move. I can't remember enjoying something that was a complete disgrace to the game as much as I enjoyed watching game two. The only thing that rivals it was probably when the Penguins and Flyers series in 2012, when they spent 6 games trying to kill each while avoiding playing any and all forms of defense. 

The stats are pretty ugly but don't even come close to telling the whole story. The two best basketball players in the world combined to shoot about 16 for 300, including Steph Curry apparently challenging himself by playing with an optical degenerative disease. JR Smith setting the Guinness World Record for stupidity in a ten minute span. Mo Speights, the tallest player on the floor, missing wide open dunks. Iman Shumpert forgetting what depth perception is and airballing jump shots. Timofey Mozgov trying to overcome his nationality and body type by attempting to dribble and be creative. Draymond Green is set to be a max player and didn't even make his first basket until overtime. It was like watching a pick-up game at the local YMCA that featured a bunch of millionaire athletes with an actual, tangible championship on the line. There was a point in overtime where I swore the game was fixed, but I couldn't decipher which team it was being fixed for. It was like a WWE event if both fighters accidentally read the same losing script. To say it was a great defensive game would just be a nicer way of saying that it was an offensive abortion. If I didn't know any better I would have guessed it was a preseason game being played between two teams that took a year off from playing basketball. The last time I saw that many turnovers was when I watched my sister play youth soccer.

I guess the saving grace is that the game was close and went to overtime. It was like a really intricate car wreck. I kept trying to leave my apartment, but I found myself rubbernecking the television. It somehow became so bad that it cycled back to being intriguing. It became the girl at the bar that is so ugly that the only thing harder than looking at her is looking away. I guess we do watch sports to witness things for the first time. I can honestly say that I have never seen the two best teams in any sport put on quite an abhorrent performance on such a stage. 

This is really just the entire game in a nutshell...