LaVar Ball's Endorsement Of His Son's Overpriced Sneakers Highlight Exactly What's Wrong With Them

Lonzo Ball's signature shoe is revealed. Priced at $495. Autographed pair for $995. Slides for $220. https://t.co/oNgi76FGpl pic.twitter.com/M5KzFn0Wu7

— Sneaker News (@SneakerNews) May 4, 2017

Big Baller's loose! If you can't afford the ZO2'S, you're NOT a BIG BALLER! □

— Lavar Ball (@Lavarbigballer) May 4, 2017

And therein lies my biggest issue with Lonzo Ball's new kicks. No, it's not the laughable price. Nor it is the fact that - other than nepotism - there is absolutely no basis whatsoever for said price. Shit, it's not even that it's the signature shoe of someone whose biggest accomplishment thus far is having his overstepping father comically overvalue how much of a premium his association adds to an off-brand sneaker.

My real problem with the ZO2's is that they fall under the umbrella of the worst company name ever. I know 'Big Baller Brand' is a (terribly cliche) play off the family name, but what Lavar Ball fails to realize (among many, many other things) is that the only people that want to be known as "big ballers" are broke as fuck. In the same vein of "real G's move in silence", real big ballers don't shell out half a G out of desperation to wear a mediocre sneaker that explicitly labels them as such.

Take Louboutins for example. If they were actually called 'Pretty Pretentious Pumps' do you think that pretty pretentious people would be dropping a month's rent to rock them around during a night on the town? Rhetorical question. Every one knows the kid who constantly has to tell you how cool he is probably isn't that cool, the dude that brags about how much ass he gets probably suffers from self-inflicted chafing, and the kid that wears $495 shoes whose slogan is essentially "get rich or go broke trying to trick people into thinking you are" probably put himself in quite the hole by purchasing them.

Now, I know I am going to be made to look stupid by criticizing his shitty business model because the world is full of morons whose stupidity is able to transcend the mediocre marketing of egotistical assholes. Still, 'Big Baller Brand' sounds like something that would fly off the shelves of a street-side vendor whose clientele is more concerned with looking like they have expensive tastes than actually having expensive tastes. I don't know how that translates to sales among those that can afford them, but I'm sure I will end up surprised and questioning the collective intelligence of society as a whole.