Let's Hear It For The Sayreville High School Booty Fondlers

http://www.mycentraljersey.com/story/sports/high-school/football/2014/10/07/sayreville-football-scandal-digital-penetration-sicom/16888389/

MyCentralJersey.com- SI.com, citing sources, including one close to the investigation, reported tonight that the substantiated allegations of pervasive and wide-scale incidents of harassment, intimidation and bullying within the program are lewd."Investigators are looking into whether upperclassmen on the Sayreville football team digitally penetrated the underclassmen on the team," SI.com reported.



​Nothing like a nice anal investigation to kick off my high school football coverage! Granted, when discussing high school football, anything short of sodomy is not newsworthy. Let's hear it for these kids. Takes a lot to get your entire seasoned canceled, especially when you are one of the better programs in the state. 

Listen, we are currently in the golden age of PC America. The anti-bullying campaigns are way over the top. We can't start catering to every boy who cries 'fag'. Pretty soon we will have to start dressing all our babies in pink with the way the pussification of America has been trending. At some point it becomes sink-or-swim, and boys have to stand up for themselves and become men.

For that reason, I always held the stance that I don't think your run-of-the-mill hazing is a huge issue. Make the freshman carry your pads, give them an ice bath, tape them to the goal post, etc, etc. It's all in good fun. It's team building. It's an initiation process. Everyone should understand that. 

Physical bullying to the point of humiliation, however, is most definitely an issue and needs to be punished. Hopefully, controlling the issue at the elementary level can stop issues like this from popping up. I may be okay with hazing, but when we are talking about plugging shit boxes the line is quite far in the rearview.

Far be it for me to criticize homoerotic high school fads. I spent 4 years of my youth trying not to get get my scrotum rammed into my stomach. Who came up with ball-tapping anyway? I would imagine that person is dead, if natural selection had anything to say about it. Anyway, ball tapping is nothing compared to anal penetration. Not sure about you, but anything asshole related sends my gay-dar into panic mode. Isn't this kind of a lose-lose situation? I'm sure the freshman don't want anything in their ass, but why would you want to be the one doing the penetrating? Classic 'does this make me gay?' situation. Hint: It does. Not that there is anything wrong with consensual homosexuality (I see you Michael Sam).

I fundamentally don't understand how anal penetration in a football locker room becomes part of the culture. It's 2014, and there are 50-60 athletes on a high school football roster. So yeah, statistics show that there is bound to be one or two demented psychopaths on the team. That's just the way the world is these days. However, I would like to believe that the people against involuntary sodomy outnumber the people for it. Maybe I'm just an optimist. How does that become socially accepted behavior? The people that find this enjoyable should be the ones outcasted, not the kids that have to endure it. 

I can't believe there are people that don't think this is a just penalty for what went on. They have to be in denial right? The only person whose opposition to the punishment is understood is the parent of a potential D1 college football player. I understand that a missed season means a missed opportunity for their child. On the other hand, maybe your kid doesn't belong playing with the big boys if he can't make a stand against anal finger fucking.

Hey, uh, Coach, maybe keep a better watch over your players? I don't expect you to know what they had for breakfast, but could you possibly make sure they aren't diddling booty holes post game? Is that too much to ask?

P.S. I respect the author of this article referring to ass play as 'digital penetration'. Absolutely gold. Actually sounds kind of nice. I imagine that word choice would have got me into a few more panties in my adolescence.