Man Charged With Assault After Nailing His Wife In The Face With A McChicken

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/crime-and-courts/2014/12/03/mcchicken-used-weapon/19823923/

DesMoinesRegister- The man accused of throwing a McChicken sandwich at his wife reportedly broke the woman's nose during the incident, police said Thursday.

Sgt. Jason Halifax, a spokesman for the Des Moines Police department, confirmed that Marvin Tramaine Hill II, 21, did more damage than police initially thought after smashing a sandwich bun into his wife's face Tuesday afternoon. Halifax said charges against Hill will likely be amended to simple domestic assault causing bodily injury.

Hill had admitted to police that he threw the sandwich at his wife "because he doesn't like them." Hill was initially arrested for simple domestic assault.



​Men are simple creatures. In no particular order…food, booze, sports, sex, sleep. That's all you have to provide. If you are going to interrupt one of those (sleep) by totally botching another (food), then maybe you deserve to catch a burger bun to the face. The first rule of marriage is know what kind of food your husband likes. Hell, that is the first rule of being a friend. I still get mad at my friends that, after years of beer-b-que's, haven't figured out that I don't like cheese on my burger (judge away). Simply unacceptable. Even more so when you live with that person and eat several meals with them a day. My man just wants to take a nap and wake up to a sweet, sweet aroma aerating from the kitchen. You don't interrupt a nap for a luke warm $1 sandwich. Does she deserve a broken nose? Probably not, but I bet you she won't fuck up lunch next time. 

And really, are we going to get mad at guy for not being a fan of some mayo infested McDonald's sandwich? I'm not afraid to say that anything within a 10 foot radius of a mayonnaise jar is not going near my mouth. Most disgusting food/condiment on the planet. Based on looks alone, I find semen more appealing than that clumpy, disgusting disgrace to a sandwich. If someone woke me up with a sandwich oozing with mayo that I could purchase with couch change I would hit my own grandmother with it. Forgive me for having principles.

I would take this assault charge and throw it right in the face of Mickey D's. If anything, they are to blame. You think she would have a broken nose if he jammed one of those nice fluffy buns from the commercial in her face? Hell no. Those things look like food pillows. Instead you get a damp, flattened piece of bread with no give to it. Personally, I think slamming a bun in someone face is a great way to deal with a majority of marital issues. Know what is more painful than having a bun shoved up your nostrils? A meaningless, insignificant argument about nothing that lasts way too long. Every disagreement should be solved by the responsible party catching a sandwich to the face. All lovers should just keep a fridge full of sandwiches next to their night stand. I just saved every frustrated couple a lot of time. Probably lowered the divorce rate by a percentage point or two as well.

I just threw up in my mouth a little...