Mark Cuban Says DeAndre Jordan Going Back To Clippers Is Like 'Make-Up Sex', Because He Stinks At Analogies

Cuban on DeAndre: "Makeup sex is always the best sex but after it's over you stare at that same face and realize the problems are the same."

— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) July 22, 2015

Have we really gotten to this point? It's hard to believe, but I think I am starting to feel bad for Mark Cuban. No, not because DeAndre Jordan left him and his franchise high and dry by deciding to return to the Los Angeles Clippers. I feel bad for him because he can't let it go. After declaring how classy Richard Jefferson was in his decision to sign with the Cavaliers, I suppose it was only a matter of time before he had DeAndre's name in his mouth again. Turns out it was no more than 24 hours later.  

Well, jokes on you Mark, because makeup sex is fucking AWESOME. Even successful couples fight Mr. Cuban. It doesn't mean that every argument is a sign of an issue that they can't work past. You want to play with analogies? How about this? If DeAndre Jordan re-signing with the Clippers is make-up sex then the Dallas Mavericks are just a scorned sidechick that thought a little fling was wayyyyy more than it was. Mark Cuban is the girl that goes home with you on the first night and is stunned when you never call again. He is the girl crying into her brunch about a guy that her friends never even met. The Dallas Mavericks are the girl DeAndre was fucking on the side until he realized that all she was good for was sex. He didn't want to meet her parents, or go apple picking with her, or go shopping with her. That wasn't a handshake agreement, it was Mark Cuban grabbing DJ's hand for a quick second before he angrily yanked it away and said "not in public!". 

The Mavericks provided all the potential benefits of stepping out on your significant other. They provided the metaphorical sex. They wined him. They dined him. They rolled out the red carpet. However, when push came to shove, they didn't provide the things necessary for DJ to enjoy day-to-day life. For instance, a championship level basketball team and a close knit locker room. The Mavericks might have been good for a one-nighter, or two, but they certainly don't have what it takes to be a life partner. At the end of the day, Jordan may have cheated on the Clippers, but they were able to resolve their differences. Probably because the sex wasn't good enough Mark. Either that, or he realized that you can't turn a hoe into a housewife...



h/t Larry Brown Sports