Matt Joyce Was Scratched For Showing Up Late For A Game, But Don't Worry, He's Got It Under Control

I know being late is no joke, I take my job very seriously. I apologize to the Fans, Angels, and the League. pic.twitter.com/P9qSlTTxg5

— Matthew Joyce (@sweetswingin20) May 20, 2015

I tip my hat to Matt Joyce here. In a world driven by public perception the best way to show both Angels fans and critics alike that you are aware of the gravity of your tardiness is to post screenshots on twitter. That may have come off extremely sarcastic, but the reality for the situation is that it is absolutely true. Yup, that where is society is at these days folks. I guess it's time to just kick our feet back and embrace it.

With that said, setting about 1,000 alarms is much better in theory than in practice. Trust me, and anyone that has ever woken up next to me, that shit does not work. Simple math would dictate that more alarms would mean more chances for you to wake up. What an unbelievably cute, overly euphoric view of the human brain. Having the subconscious knowledge that there is likely another alarm coming in the next five minutes is the easiest way to rationalize ignoring the current one. I don't care how aware you are of the amount of alarms you set, I would love to meet the person that can tell me the difference between the 2nd and the 3rd, or if you are a real asshole, the 4th and the 5th. The more alarms you set, the better chance you don't recognize which one is the last one.

Hey Matt Joyce, you're a professional baseball player, think bigger. You shouldn't be using the same rationalizations as my dumbass. If I was Matt Joyce I would pay a hot blonde $20 a day to motorboat my ass every morning until I was standing at attention, literally and figuratively. I would hire a gaggle of midgets to pick up my mattress and walk me over to the stadium without even breaking my REM cycle. Even Steve Jobs didn't rely on alerts from his iPhone. Live up to that multimillion dollar salary for me one time.

P.S. The captions under the alarms are adorable. I was more literate at the tender age of birth than I am when I am half asleep. You know how many texts I have responded to that I have read before 8am? None. None of the texts. You have a better chance of me fulling understanding the Torah than any English words before the sun comes up.