DailyMail- It didn't take long for employees at a Tennessee Walmart to realize there was something fishy about a customer hanging out in the liqueur aisle.
Police responded to the big-box store in Clarksville Wednesday afternoon and arrested 56-year-old David Wylie after he was allegedly caught urinating on the sales floor while stuffing a package of trout in his pants.
When confronted by a police officer, the Clarksville man, who according to a police report was inebriated, said he was not concerned about being charged because his offenses were only misdemeanors.
We aren't going to act like the biggest crime committed in this story was committed by David Wylie, are we? Don't get me wrong, peeing on the floor isn't exactly sanitary, but that has to be a daily occurrence at Walmart. As for the attempted theft of trout? Well, that right there was nothing more than a public service. As long as David Wylie has Walmart's fish selection stuffed into his urine soaked drawers the rest of the non-intoxicated public can't accidentally purchase some D grade trout. He may have put himself at risk, but he likely saved the life of whoever was bound to eat bargain basement chum. Fuck David Wylie. His transgressions were petty crimes at worst. Meanwhile the Walmart brass are trying to turn a profit on week-old fish that probably haven't even been fully descaled? That should be a fucking felony. Someone needs to get a health services worker in there and quick. The only thing standing between innocent people and bad meat is some drunk dude that can't control his bladder. Walmart can't even preserve their liquor aisle from the piss of drunken degenerates and I am supposed to expect them to preserve fish without inevitably packaging food poisoning? I refuse to sit here and criticize a Walmart customer for acting like a Walmart customer, when the more egregious infraction is Walmart trying to act like Wegmans.