“Zeke said ‘man, the fourth quarter, we get a lead, it’s just about pounding people into submission. I’m like, man, dude, I’m telling you, man, when I listen to this boy talk about running the football like that, it just makes me want to go in the bathroom and spend some time by myself.” -Michael Irvin
Say what you want about 88, but don't you dare say he doesn't have so much love for his team that is manifests itself in lust. Everyone knows there is bandwagon after bandwagon of fair-weather Cowboys fans out there, so I'll be damned if I am going to shame one whose loyalty is far too homoerotic to be questioned. Especially not after I damn near passed out from rapid blood displacement after hearing that the Devils traded for Taylor Hall. As far as I am concerned, the only thing even slightly weird about Michael Irvin waxing one off after waxing poetic about his team's starting running back is that he chose to talk about it publicly. I probably could have done without the mental image of Michael Irvin closing his eyes and firing one off to the visual of a professional football player jamming it up the middle in an effort to get those oh-so-hard yards, but I still appreciate the sentiment.
Honestly, can you even say that a player is your favorite if listening to him talk about "pounding people into submission" doesn't make you want to pound yourself in submission? There's just something very arousing about watching your team win, so no one should be running around calling themselves a sports fan if the high they get while watching games doesn't give them the glow of a boy that just figured out how his junk works. If using sexual (not so) innuendo to portray the feeling you get from seeing your most beloved athletes succeed is wrong then it's the type of wrong that makes you want to keep doing it over...and over...and over again.