MIchigan Tight End, Jake Butt, Not Knowing That Hilary Clinton Is Married Isn't As Ridiculous As It Sounds
So basically what we have here is a football player, whose name I can't stop immaturely making fun of, playing for a team I absolutely can't stand, saying something outrageously uneducated. One would think that would add up to the perfect recipe for a piece hating on Jake Butt (hehe). Especially when a "Hey Jake, You're Butt." would fit in so perfectly here. Alas, I just can't do it. I refuse to sit here and criticize Jake Butt for not knowing that Bill Clinton is still technically married to his wife Hilary when, let's face it, they really should be divorced. As far as being life partners, they pretty much are divorced. That is a marriage in name only. A marriage that stayed together to help Bill deal with the scrutiny of the most widely publicized affair in American history. A marriage that has ultimately led to Hilary Clinton's ability to become a viable presidential candidate. Bill is still out there chuckling as he face fucks random interns, and Hilary is undoubtedly mixing in a little rug munching after her public appearances. So while it is common knowledge that they are married, it's also common knowledge that they aren't, like, super married.
Fuck it, I'll say it. Following the Monica Lewinsky there was absolutely a period of time where I assumed that Bill and Hilary got divorced. There was definitely a time where I assumed that one of the most strong willed, outspoken women in politics wouldn't sacrifice her dignity by standing by a man that was a pathological polygamist. That period of time came before I realized the true nature of politics. In the traditional sense, Bill and Hilary aren't married. Their marriage is nothing but a business deal that they both benefit from. They probably haven't even kissed since Bill pulled out and nutted all over Monica's blouse. Maybe they have mixed in some drunk sex once or twice since 1998, but it's hardly a relationship fueled by an undying love or trust. It's a relationship fueled by the quest for power. Yeah, as a college student, Jake Butt probably should have known that they were still together, but I think it's fair to say that the political learning curve of a meathead tight end is perhaps a little stunted. While I was in high school learning that Bill and Hilary resolved their differences/ decided to keep making each other richer, Jake Butt was in high school catching touchdown passes and preparing for a free education/not knowing how to draw the shape of the Oval Office. I simply can't chastise him for being blind to the fact that Monica Lewinsky lubricating Bill Clinton's cigar with her lady parts didn't signal the conclusion of one of the most notorious power couples in politics. In most normal relationships it would, because there's not a woman alive that believed Slick Willy when he said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!".
P.S. Credit where credit is due. As far as twitter handles go, '@JBooty_88' for a guy named Jake Butt is as good as it gets.