Cosmopolitan- When Sharon Green ordered a cake from the U.K.'s Occasion Cakes for her 3-year-old daughter Tahlia Rose's christening, she was shocked and scandalized by the teddy bear-themed dessert. Green claims that the "seams" in the teddy bear's, um, genital area makes it look as if the candy bear has a vagina, The Bolton News reports.
In a rush, Green still served the cake but covered the teddy bear's alleged shame with fondant flowers.
None too happy about what she perceived as a vulgar cake for her toddler's christening, Green demanded a refund from the bakery. "We didn't serve the cake or eat it, that's why I wanted a refund," Green told us via email. She added, "Also the bears they put on the cake were not the ones I ordered. Another reason I wanted a refund."
What resulted was an exchange wherein Green called the cake "completely inappropriate" and the shop said, "The small bear on top of the cake is exactly that — a teddy bear — and the crease on its stomach is supposed to represent the seam where the bear is sewn together."
Well, I got to give the woman one thing, that is a hell of a place for a seam. Really kind of outsmarted themselves by staying anatomically correct to the intricacies of a teddy bear. Any time you are making alterations between the legs of something that is going to be presented to the children you run the risk of offending someone. That's just the age in which we live in. That may not be a teddy bear vagina, but it's definitely wearing a teddy bear vagina costume.
Here's the problem here though. This woman is not entitled to a refund. In fact she's not even entitled to her anger. A teddy bear is a cute, furry, bladder controlled representation of a child. If there is anything I learned in biology it's that children don't have sexual organs. Think about how many times you've seen a little girl running around topless at a BBQ or a little boy go ass out in a public bathroom. Do you double take? Do you even think twice about it? Hell no you don't. The person that notices that a child, or a representation of child, has their parts out is the one that needs our attention. How about you grow up for me lady? Focus your anger on actual acts of perversion in society. Trust me, you have plenty to choose from. You know who else would have pointed out the vagina on Little Debbie? Uncle Charlie who is bouncing Tahlia on his lap just a litttttle too often, but you don't even realize because you are on the phone with cake company. If Jerry Sandusky saw that cake he would start praying for nephews. Fact is, kids don't have genitals until you acknowledge that kids have genitals, and the person that does so is the creep, not the misinformed cake maker that gave an inanimate bear a place to get stuffed. No pun intended.