News Of The Day: Kelly Clarkson Is An Awful Parent

People- But there’s one place River Rosehas never been: in her parents’ bed! 

"In my world, we’re sleeping. I don’t want my kid rolling over and hitting me in the face. That’s not good sleep.”

According to the singer, her now 9-month-old daughter — her first child with husband Brandon Blackstock — has always slept soundly in her crib.

“She’s been in her own bed; she’s never slept with us ever,” she explains. “I’m just very adamant about that, even to create her independence and her own identity and to be safe in her own room.”

Clarkson adds, “I don’t want to create a kid that’s stuck to my leg.”

You know when you think something is normal and then your audience's reaction let's you know it's not? For instance, for the last 5 years I don't think I have gone to a movie with anyone but my own damn self. When I first told people that they looked at me like I was crazy and I started defending myself saying "you don't talk during movies" or "it's hard to find someone that wants to see the same thing at the same time as you". That's called justification. It's something I am very familiar with, and it's something that Kelly Clarkson did when she told this reporter that she doesn't let her child sleep in her bed. What was Kelly's first response when asked "why?". That she was selfish and wanted her own sleep. That's your answer. That's why. The whole line about "creating her independence" is pure justification.

You know what? I can't blame her. Look at Kelly Clarkson. She's one Italian family style dinner from making her husband sleep on the couch, and it would absolutely be out of necessity. You want to fit three people in Kelly Clarkson's bed? You better call a van full of Mexicans and ask for some packing advice. If Kelly Clarkson slept in my queen bed I would be curled up on the edge like a dog praying for stray blanket. Hey Kelly, what the fuck happened 'Since You Been Gone'? I used to have a soft spot for Kelly Clarkson. Now all she has is soft spots. Basically Kelly Clarkson would rather tune out her child's muffled cries from down the hall than mix in a salad or see the inside of a gym. American Idol? We could nickname that metabolism 'American Idle'. There will be plenty of room in your marital bed when you are in the hospital getting a triple bypass. Your arteries are filling up faster than the 405 during rush hour traffic. Sweet Jesus, for the sake of your baby, hit a treadmill while you're still under the weight limit.

Why does Kelly Clarkson even need such good sleep? Isn't she just a mom now? I can't imagine she is still performing. I mean, unless a professional sports team hired her to sing during the waning seconds of all their victories. Pretty selfish of her to be sacrificing the comfort of her child in exchange for her own comfort when all she has to do in the morning is get up and take care of said child. That's basically the exact opposite of a mother's main job description. Hey Kels, if you're looking to get back into career mode just start lifting weights. We can kill two birds with one stone and have you try out as a professional linebacker. You want to be a pioneer. Start letting your child sleep in your bed, and make an NFL team as a female. Now that's another way to shatter a glass ceiling, ya know, besides standing on it. 

Never forget...