Nice Kobe Is So Full Of Shit

TMZ- One of the funniest parts ... CP3 says he asked Kobe for his game-used shoes back in the day so he could auction 'em off for his charity -- but Paul admits, "Them shoes still at the crib!" 
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D-Wade also gifted Kobe a 1 year subscription to Netflix AND some undies so he can be comfortable in retirement. 

Here's a list of other gifts Kobe got from the guys: 
-- reading glasses
-- Preparation H
-- Mamba fruit chews
-- TV remote
-- denture adhesive cream
-- compression socks
-- Barbaresco 1996 magnum bottle of Italian wine



Look, I know that Kobe had to go up there and be respectful after some of the NBA's best players stood in front of him, showered him with gifts and pranks, and told him what he means to their careers. That doesn't mean I have to like how personable he seemed throughout the entire thing, and it damn sure doesn't mean I have to believe a single word that came out of his mouth during that closing speech. 

Those reactions were so un-Kobe-like that you could have convinced me it was a doppleganger. Hey Kobe, why don't you laugh a little harder at someone getting you cane for retirement? Maybe slap the table one more time so you can really sell that happiness. You can throw your head back, and flash that 1,000 watt smile as much as you want, but nothing can convince me that being given reading glasses and a TV remote didn't kill you inside. 

And what was with that closing speech? Now it's not about championships anymore? It's only been about championships for the last two decades, but now they don't matter? Now it's about the journey? You know when it's about the journey? When the journey is motherfucking OVER. Hey Kobe, I know it's not raining, so you can you please put an end to this golden shower. If the Lakers didn't stink to the highest of heavens, and were instead holding down an 8th seed then Kobe would bitchslap someone before they were even able to mutter the second syllable of "journey".

I fucking hate conscientious Kobe. Cordial Kobe makes me want to puke on my keyboard. Has anyone ever been more fake nice than he was in this speech? There are groups of high school girls huddling around the lunch table talking about how phony Kobe was here. Why can't he just drop the mic, grit his teeth, whip Melo's ass in 1-on-1, and leave the game the incredibly accomplished cocksucker he's always been? It might be a testament to how easy he made professional basketball look, but I have never seen Kobe try harder to do anything than hold this smile...