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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

No One Knows About The Effects Of Sack Soreness Quite Like Kenneth Faried

3/22/2016

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Ok I'm still laughing at Kenneth Faried's DND. Can someone please explain.. pic.twitter.com/HTftzYpqfo

— Reggie Miller (@ReggieMillerTNT) March 22, 2016
What's that you say? It's a simple typo? Well, let me tell you a little something. If I know anything about anything I know about the complexity of typos, and there is nothing simple about mixing up "back" and "sack". The B and S aren't even close to each other. How about you look at a keyboard for me one time? If this was just a misprint, then the Denver Nuggets would stop worrying about the health of their starting power forward and start concerning themselves whatever intern is typing up the game recaps and making him look weak with fictitious testicle injuries. 

That's why I have to believe that this is 100% true, and that Kenneth Faried is suffering from the rarest of conditions. The all too painful 'low sack soreness'. I got to say, I admire his courage in letting that information go public. It's one thing to have high sack soreness. Tons of athletes get that. High sack soreness is just the politically incorrect term for a hernia, but low sack soreness? That's the type of injury that will strike fear into player, franchise, and fan alike. Mostly because even the best urologist in the country  can only accurately identify what's responsible for the pain in the bottom of your balls about half the time. Having low sack soreness is like getting a high ankle sprain in the sense that you could be out 2 weeks, or you could be out the rest of the year. Actually, now that I think about it in that regard it's much the same as 'low back soreness' too, go figure. All I know is that the junkiest part of Kenneth Faried's junk hurts and you don't step foot on a basketball court until at least a week after all signs of nut pain have been vanquished. So let me be the first to say that my thoughts and prayers go out to Kenneth Faried's scrotum, because no one deserves to deal with an ailment that won't let you think about anything other than your sexual reproductive health.
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