Note To High School Football Coaches: It's Probably Best To Keep It In Your Pants During Team Cookouts

Spokesman- Spokane school officials have suspended Ferris High School football coach Jim Sharkey as they investigate claims he exposed himself to players at a leadership camp last summer and then lied to cover it up. 

Sharkey, who also teaches fitness and leadership at the school, strongly denies the allegations. His suspension is with pay.

A couple of weeks after the camp, a Ferris player came forward and said that while Sharkey was grilling, he turned with his exposed penis inside a hot dog bun. Sharkey said, “You think that is a big dog – take a look at this,” according to school records that listed multiple different versions of the same quote.

While the coach got a written reprimand and was allowed to coach this past fall, school officials placed him on administrative leave Feb. 1 after more players claimed to have seen the hot dog incident and other students brought up separate incidents of questionable behavior by the 11-year teacher and coach.

Sharkey called the allegations false and denied in interviews and in writing to school officials that the hot dog incident took place. He vowed that he will fight to try to clear his name to protect what he considers his dream job.

Asked by Templeton why someone would make the allegations, Sharkey replied: “Maybe they want me fired.”


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Classic they said, he said! Did the high school football coach really serve up his Oscar Meyer wiener to his teenage players, or did said teenage players ban together to fabricate and corroborate a story about him doing so? The world may never know!

The only thing more preposterous than an authority figure whipping his genitals out around a lit grill is someone making up a story about an authority figure whipping his genitals out around a lit grill, so I think I'm more inclined to believe the students here. But regardless of whether or not they are telling the true, I think we can all agree that this firing was long overdue.

Honestly, does it even matter if Jim Sharkey is actually innocent? Legally it certainly does, but not on the gridiron. I'm sure he wants to clear his name, but does he really want to keep his job?  The best case scenario is that this incident never took place and that his players hate him so much that they collectively tried to turn him into a red dot on an online map. To be frank, he's not even in the same 'Ball Park' as football's best disciplinarians if his locker room is only unifying to accuse him of exhibitionism in front of minors. I can't believe they let the guy stick around for another full season. Talk about leaving wins on the field. I don't care if he was forced to wear a cock cage the entire time, because he was only getting the wurst out of those brats if they spent every practice desperately awaiting the day that cop cars would pull up behind the goalposts. I think he is actually more likely to be a decent motivator if he did have his veiny triumphant bastard in that bun, because he definitely wasn't inspiring his team if they were turning their attention to dreaming up fratboy antics to get him fired.