Now Introducing Our Lowest Point As A Society: 'The JerkShirt'

DailyDot- Men are haunted by the fear of someone walking in on a self-love session. And since people moms and roommates alike will no doubt continue to walk into dudes' rooms without knocking, it’s critical that compulsive dick-chokers have an easy way to escape embarrassment.

It’s called the JerkShirt. 

​The “patent-pending” garment comes to us from the horny minds at CamSoda, who, according to their press release, want nothing more than “to provide undercover masturbatory pleasure.” The product is essentially a dress shirt with a prosthetic arm—so that guys can use their free hand to massage their man meat without paranoia. The JerkShirt also features a stain-resistant splash guard to help with those... messes.

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​You know what's genuinely concerning about the mass production of a shirt that allows people to jerk off in public places without guilt, shame, or the threat of an arrest? The fact that a company - albeit a porn company - thought that it would be a profitable business venture. If there is anyone that knows just how goddamn disgustingly perverted we are as a gender, it's those that have a live online ticker of the amount of people that view every type of XXX-rated video you could possibly imagine. Those people sat in a conference room and AGREED that the masses would be interested in purchasing a button-down with a prosthetic arm attached just so they don't have to abstain from ruthlessly tugging on their dick around strangers. In fact, they were so sure that they created a website, a promotional video, and a pre-order list for it. The moment I found out that there are people trying to profit off the people that consider a $50 shirt that allows you to masturbate in public a worthy investment may be the moment where I felt the single most pity for our country, and that includes last week when I came to realization that Donald Trump might become President. Money is money, but money made off enabling people to fuck themselves anywhere they please is undoubtedly a little bit dirtier. That's the stickiest of green and sadly it's the kind that's legal in all 50 states. 

You know who I really feel bad for here. The guy out there whose favorite shirt is an oversized light blue button-down with white dots that he bought at Macy's. There's a good chance that this is all a gag to get this porn company some publicity, but eventually it WILL go viral and people WILL believe it. When it does that poor bastard wearing his favorite shirt is going to be getting a lot of looks that he would rather not be getting. Let's just hope he didn't have a Chubb's-type incident in his past or his prosthetic hand will really leave him stigmatized.