Ovechkin Guarantees Game 7 Victory Because Apparently He Doesn't Realize How Obsolete That Is In This Country

NY Times- Alex (All Series, Baby, All Series) Ovechkin hasn’t scored since Game 2 of Round 2 against the Rangers, but that didn’t stop No. 8 from issuing a guarantee for Wednesday’s Game 7 at the Garden following his team’s 4-3 Game 6 home defeat Sunday.

“We’re going to play our game and we’re going to come back and we’re going to play Montreal or Tampa [in the conference finals],” said the Washington captain, who has never advanced beyond the second round in his 10-year career and whose franchise has not reached the conference finals since 1998.

The Capitals captain, who scored in each of the first two games, and uttered the “All series, baby, all series” declaration when skating by Lundqvist after scoring on a left-wing rifle late in the first period of Game 1, has 27 shots on 59 attempts in the series.

“We almost tie the game and the character of this group, it shows a lot,” Ovechkin said. “We’re going to come back and win the series.”


​
I guess I got to give the filthy, stinking Russian a pass for this one. I'm sure he thought he was being a original. You think someone like Alexander Ovechkin realizes the historical significance, or lack thereof, of guaranteeing victory. There's no way he has any grasp of those that came before him in the NHL. Remember Mark Messier guaranteeing victory in game 6? HA! Ovechkin barely remembers what happened last year after his undoubtedly drug fueled romp of an offseason. You think Ovi has paid attention to the hundreds of thousands of NFL players that have given their opponent billboard material since then? Ovi has got a short memory, but not in the good way that most coaches reference in their cliches.  He has a short memory because he probably blows more lines than a prepubescent actor, and drinks as much as a senile World War 2 veteran. You think Ovechkin, of all people, realizes the pressure he just put on himself and his team that has recently struggled to close out series? No chance. The memory of that 3-140 record in elimination games is but a distant memory lost in the high of a communist crackhouse.

With that said, in the most sarcastic way humanly imaginable I would like to extend a thank you to Alexander Ovechkin. I appreciate you giving Rangers fans something else to harp on if they happen to beat you on Wednesday. As we know, Rangers fans are so good about realizing the statue of limitations on celebrating both guarantees and failed guarantees. Jesus Christ if the Rangers win on Wednesday I won't stop hearing about a meaningless Ovechkin guarantee until I turn 65 or until technology comes up with a device that allows you to mute morons, whatever comes first. I wish I could give every single Rangers fans a virus through my computer. I'm not talking pop-up ads. Yo Alexander, where does Putin stand on biological warfare? Anyone know any hackers that deal in sending HIV broadband to a select group of individuals? We can discuss terms when I stop hearing self-unaware inbreds arguing about attendance. See what you've done Alexander? You've made this so much more than a hockey game. So much more than bragging rights. Do you realize the small amount of moral victories Rangers fans have had to cling onto for the last 20 years? They might just raise a banner and hold a ceremony for overcoming a tongue in cheek sentence said in the heat of a postgame interview by a psychotic Russian. I wonder what the trophy looks like for such an accomplishment?

Then again, there is always the chance that the Capitals manage to shed every single adjective that has ever been used to describe their playoff inefficacy. That would give 'Alexander the Great', and more importantly every person with a soul that loathes that bottom feeding scum of a fan base, at least 20 years of shit talking privileges. Don't be mad at us Rangers fans. You set the precedence. From your lips to God's ears Ovi, from your lips to God's ears....