Phillies Fan Steals Ball From An Old Woman And Probably Did Her A Favor In The Long Run

It's situations like these where we really have to distinguish between the winner and the loser. I'm not talking short term. Obviously the big fat inbred hick in jorts won the battle when he wrestled the ball away from a helpless old lady, but did he really win the war? On the surface it may not look like the consolation prize of an Arizona Diamondbacks/Fox Sports t-shrirt is all that much to write home about. However, neither is the ball that came from the bat of a glorified Single A/beer league softball player that made his way on to professional field via the athletic abortion that is the Philadelphia Phillies lineup. 

The real prize here is this lady was blessed with the ability to get out her Philadelphia fan hood. Given a free pass to adopt a new team. Why continue to root for the Phailures when you can't even cheer them on without some ogre trying to knock you on to the warning track for a meaningless baseball? Hey lady, smile, you just won a one way ticket out of a lifetime of misery. Sure, it may not look like it on the scoreboard. Sure, it's a pretty lateral move in terms of the current MLB standings, but you got to look long term. One day the Arizona Diamondbacks won't suck, and not only can you say you were there when they did, but you'll also have a great story to go along with it.  Can't say the same for the Phillies. Between their owner being a halfwit and their geographical predisposition to failure, they are destined for decades upon decades of disappointment. Just from a purely historical standpoint the Diamondbacks have a much better future trajectory. It's not like they could end being worse than the scum of the earth. Just no way to reside beneath rock bottom. Might as well jump on the Arizona Cardinals and Phoenix Suns bandwagon too before Sam Bradford gets hurt doing his laundry and the Sixers institute their 4th consecutive tank job. Don't fret the loss of that baseball ma'am. Other than beating diabetic shock a couple times a month, that is the only win this guy is going to have for a long, long time.