PornHub's Traffic In Cleveland Predictably Dropped By Nearly 50% Immediately Following The Cavaliers Win

A nice gentleman from Pornhub emails us that traffic to the site "dropped 47% in Cleveland at the end of last night's historic game seven."

— Andrew Keh (@andrewkeh) June 20, 2016

This obviously shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. I mean, the number of people beating off in the middle of the street in downtown Cleveland had to at least match the number of people laying in their dimly lit rooms with a bottle of 'Aveeno' conveniently placed next to the them on the nightstand. I bet more Clevelanders came themselves to the image of LeBron James crying in the fetal position than they did to anal POV's videos on Sunday night. Just saying, the fine folks of Akron did not need to watch a janitor plunge some lonely housewife to have the entirety of their pipes cleaned after Kyrie Irving hit that 3. 

I guess I just find the mental image of PornHub employees sitting around rooting for whatever team has the lowest population of perverts to be oddly hilarious. Obviously the premier online pornography site isn't struggling financially, but it's still hilarious to think that - all things being equal - they would rather the team in the less sexually uninhibited city win. I don't know what's happening behind closed doors in Oakland, but something tells me it's got NOTHING on Cleveland's search history. The guys (assumption) at PornHub know more than any of us would ever want to know about Middle America's favorite fetishes. I don't exactly pleasure myself to missionary love making, but whatever Ohio-ans collectively refrained from watching - as they were stealing firetrucks in celebration of their first championship in 50 years - should probably land some of them in prison. This is the only climax Cleveland was interested in touching themselves to, and you have to imagine that was at least a little disappointing for the people constantly monitoring the number of deviants watching barely legal teens get gagged...