Pray For Society: Palcohol, Powdered Alcohol, Approved For Sale

Independent- Officials in the US have sparked controversy by approving a powdered alcohol that can be mixed into drinks, snorted or even sprinkled onto food.

Federal regulators last year briefly gave the green light to the makers of Palcohol before changing their decision, saying they should not have done so.

Nope. Don't like it. Don't like it one bit. Honestly, couldn't give you a good reason. As an alcohol enthusiast, of sorts, you would think I would be steadfast in my support of a more convenient way to partake in it's abuse. It just doesn't feel right. This may damn well signal the end of society as we know it. Half the reason that people don't spend the entire day completely hammered is because it is frowned upon to walk down the street with a 5th of vodka in your pocket at 9am. You can't just stroll into your place of employment and use the company fridge to house a 6 pack for when the afternoon starts to drag. You know that 2:30 feeling that 5 hour energy always talks about? Why chug a sour shot of artificial energy when you can just pour a little 'Fun Dip' into your coffee mug. You know why people aren't drunk every single day after work? Because you would feel like a bag of shit sitting in a bar by yourself every afternoon, or having a recycling bin filled to the brim with empty bottles of wine.

One time, I hockey taped a small bottle of Captain Morgan to my thigh to sneak it into a Rutgers football game. You want to know what would make that story far less cool? Putting a pack of powder in my pocket and casually walking through security. Half the fun of drinking in places where you aren't supposed to be drinking is the risk involved in doing so. Their is no risk if you are essentially walking around with a pack of alcoholic 'Crystal Lite' in your jeans. Before I leave the house I always do the 'phone, wallet, keys' check. Pretty sure that 4th pocket wasn't created for a conveniently sized packet of bad decisions.

Palcohol: US regulators approve powdered alcohol that can be mixed with water, snorted or sprinkled onto cereal

Look at that headline? Does that sound like a good idea? Listen if you want to snort mind altering substances up your nose, have at it. What people want to do with their free time is their own business. However, I refuse to believe it's a good idea to legalize it. Any time someone snorts shit up their nostril they should be potentially putting themselves at risk of at least a misdemeanor. Imagine walking in on someone doing lines off a toilet seat, and they can just say "don't get the wrong idea, it's only alcohol". Or you pass a rolled up dollar bill to a friend, only for him to take a bump and proclaim "what the fuck man? I thought this was a powdered Cosmo". You know how many drug dealers are going to get filthy rich of naive kids? Selling them a $40 dime bag of Powderita when they are looking for some nose candy.

Is this a news article, or a suggestion on how to use powdered alcohol to ruin your livelihood? Sprinkled on to cereal? Who would have even thought of that if they didn't read it in bold letters on a "news outlet"? I don't even approve of this nonsense and it sounds like the best idea ever. Who wouldn't want a little cocktail IN their breakfast? Talk about a kickstart. It's like a poor man's brunch every single week day. That'll make work a little more bearable. If you manage to get their without t-boning a telephone pole.

“Potential for abuse isn’t grounds for us to deny a label,” Hogue told the AP.

Do you even regulate bro? Of course the potential for abuse is grounds to deny a label. That's why they don't put Percocet on the shelf next to Advil. That's why Xanex bars aren't the highest seller at CVS. Why do you think prohibition existed? Potential for abuse is the reason that bars and crack houses aren't one and the same. You're telling me it's still illegal in some places to smoke a little weed on my free time, but I'm encouraged to put an alcohol shaker next to the salt and pepper?

Lipsmark's website said Palcohol was the invention of Mark Phillips and that a patent was being sought. And the reason he came up with the idea? 

"Mark is an active guy...hiking, biking, camping, kayaking. After hours of an activity, he sometimes wanted to relax and enjoy a refreshing adult beverage. But those activities, and many others, don't lend themselves to lugging heavy bottles of wine, beer or spirits. The only liquid he wanted to carry was water," says the website.

"Mark is a very active alcoholic, and his desire to stay in shape was getting in the way of being completely shit bombed at all times. You can't be halfway through a hike while simultaneously sitting on a barstool." 

I actually respect this guy's reasoning. Everything is better drunk, even if it is physical activity. When's the last time you had sober sex? Exactly. Time flies when you are 3 sheets to the wind. If I could make my time in the gym seemingly cut in half I would do so in a heartbeat. Drunk kayaking? Sign me up. Bombed on a bicycle? Don't mind if I do.

Unfortunately for this guy, powdered alcohol is going to be used in the exact opposite way it was intended. Is there is a disclaimer on the back that says "only to be used after hours of exertion of energy"? If people can just subtly mix a cocktail into whatever they are drinking, whenever they are drinking it, the last thing they are going to be worried about is burning some calories beforehand.

 Live look at Mark Phillips....