Bleacher Report- Just a few years into his tenure as owner of the Brooklyn Nets, Russian businessman Mikhail Prokhorov may be ready to move on.
This is my fault. I should have seen this coming a mile away. Russians can't run a fucking basketball team. I don't care how much money they have to throw at the franchise. I was irrationally excited when Prokhorov proclaimed that the Nets would win a championship in the next five years. I didn't really think it would happen, but at least his heart was in the right place. Even if you aren't going to make it happen, make me think that you are trying your hardest. Truth be told, he did. He went out and got Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. Yeah, it was decidedly late in their career and both were shells of their former selves, but it was still a move that had to be made for short term success. There is only so many things you can do for immediate success. The Nets were not going to be able to sign LeBron or Carmelo, so the best move to make was add veteran leadership to an already talented roster. Oh well. Shit Happens. It didn't work out.
However, don't try to pitch me on a 5 year championship window and then sell the team after 4 years. This move is sooo Russian it hurts. This is like Babe Ruth calling his shot and then striking out looking a 3-2 pitch. Unbelievable.
'Oh hey Nets fans, sorry I came in and made you give away all your draft picks until 2098 and brought in a wife beating, sociopathic coach for a year. Sorry you have nothing to show for it other than a few unceremonious early round playoff exits. Oh well, that's it for me. I am taking my ball (and billions of dollars) and going home. Back to the mother land where the flags wave red with the blood of the gays.'
This is the owner equivalent of that superficial cock sucker Ilya Kovalchuk. The guy forces the Devils' hand because he wants his millions to be triple figured and then bows out back to Russia after year TWO of a FIFTEEN year deal.
'Oops sorry you guys had to circumvent the salary cap and endure a bunch of penalties for me but I'm home sick. I gave it the ol' college try. Enjoy paying for it for the foreseeable future. See ya never!'
See, this is why Russian people can't have nice things. Never trust a Russian, and never expect anything from them. A Russian person is the type to finger blast your girlfriend while you're taking a piss, and then be the best man at your wedding.. The type to steal your wallet and then help you look for it. The type to push you down the stairs when you bend over to pick up something they dropped. The hammer and sickle is nothing more than 2 weapons that a Russian person wants to stab into your back.
I ask one favor, and one favor only, Mikhail. Take Deron Williams with you. Please. He's a traitorist asshole with the loyalty of Tiger Woods at Hedonism. He'll make a great Russian.
P.S. How ridiculous of a maneuver it is to buy a sports franchise and sell it after 4 years? That's like if I bought a mountain bike, used it for a few months, and then decided I didn't like biking anymore. Except he will make far more selling the team than I will on my shitty, hypothetic mountain bike.
If that's not the look of a shady weasel then I don't know what it is...